


Sanatorium

by PushingBackTheNight



Category: The Exorcist (TV)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Demons, Exorcisms, False Memories, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Post Season 2, Priests, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Rescue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2019-08-20 18:25:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16560977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PushingBackTheNight/pseuds/PushingBackTheNight
Summary: After an exorcism that went really bad, he wakes up in a white room. Immediately, a doctor and two nurses are there, to take care of him. After much questioning, he finally learns that he was housed in a psychiatric hospital. His memories, however, let him down. What happened?Did he really try to kill himself? Why did he have so many memories of tortured humans and demons? And who was the man who constantly appeared in his dreams?





	1. Welcome to where time stands still, no one leaves and no one will...

**Author's Note:**

> Another Fanfic about our lovely priests :)  
> I had the idea for the story, after listening to Metallicas Sanitarium for an hour on repeat. I hope you enjoy reading, as much as I enjoy writing it.  
> The title of the chapter is also from the Song Sanatorium. I can't get enough from it *-*
> 
> Just a little warning (as I do before each of my stories xD): English isn't my mother tongue. So if you notice a mistake or something that's wrong with the grammar, please tell me so that I can correct it. Thanks :3

The first thing he noticed, when the black mist in his mind cleared, was a unbearable headache. He wanted to press a hand against his temple, but he couldn't move. What happened? Slowly he opened his eyes, but immediately he closed them thight, as a bright light blinded him. It took a few moments for the brightness to stop stinging in his eyes and he could look around the room, where he was  laying. The walls were white and except for a door, that was light gray, there was nothing else to see. He tried to sit up, but didn't succeeded. Now he looked down his body and saw that he was tied to the bedstead, with padded cuffs. What was going on here?

A sudden panic overcame him and he pulled at the shackles, first carefully, then more and more firmly. Something was very wrong here! He had to get away...out of the room and find a safe place, to organize his thoughts. But all pulling and tugging didn't help. The cuffs didn't break. He also had no time to keep trying, because the next moment the door opened and three people came in. A man dressed like a doctor and two women looking like nurses.

"You are awake", said the doctor, smiling. "That's great, it didn't look good for you for a while."   


"Where am I?", he wanted to know.

"My name is Adrian Bryar, I am the chief doctor of this institution", said the man, ignoring his question.

The nurses stepped to his sides and rolled up the sleeves of the white shirt he wore. Two bandages appeared around his forearms. Confused, he stared at them.

"What happened?", he asked. "And where am I?"

But again, his question wasn't answered. Instead, Bryar took a small flashlight out and shone in his eyes.  


"The Pupil reflexes are good", he mumbled, nodding. "Do you know what your name is?"  


"Of course," he said slightly annoyed. "I..."

But then he stopped. His name was...What was his name? The panic in him grew, when he couldn't remember it. What was his name? What was his name? Could one forget his own name?

"Tomas", he mumbled without realizing it.

"Good, good", Bryar replied. "Which year do we have?"

Again, Tomas stopped.

"I...I don't know..."  


Bryar smiled at him and put a hand on his shoulder.  


"It will get better, believe me."

Meanwhile the sisters had taken the bandages off. Beneath it were two long patches on the inside of his forearms. What had happened and why couldn't he remember anything?

"Please, tell me where I am", repeated Tomas again, this time almost in a pleading voice.

"Oh excuse me, of course! You're in the St. Jacob's Sanatorium for mental Illnesses", Doctor Bryar said, smiling.

"What?!"

The shock was written on his face. The panic grew even more and tightened his chest. He had the feeling, that he could no longer breathe properly. Why couldn't he remember what happened? Why was he here?

"It's going to be okay", Bryar tried to calm him. "We can do this."

But Tomas couldn't calm down. He simply couldn't breathe. It wasn't until the room began to spin, that he realized he was hyperventilating. That was a full blown panic attack. As far as he knew, something like this had never happened to him. He heard Doctor Bryar giving instructions to the nurses and once more someone was shining him in the eyes, then everything went black again.

 

The next time he woke up, he was still in the same room and the cuffs were still wrapped around his wrists. Again, the feeling of pure panic crept up his spine. But this time he managed to fight the feeling down and stayed relatively calm. He took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes for a moment. He couldn't got upset and fainted again. He had to stay calm and talk to the doctor. On the other hand, it would be hard to find out why he was in this psychiatry. But now he had to wait until the doctor came back. It took half an eternity and with every passing minute he became more nervous.  The bandages on his arms actually spoke for themselves. Tomas could remember that he had seen such bandages before. The girl who got them, wanted to kill herself. She had cut open her wrists. But why should he do that? This loss of his memorys made him crazy! He had so many questions! Hopefully, the doctor could bring some light into the darkness.  
  
Tomas had lost his sense of time. Maybe he was awake for a few minutes, maybe hours... maybe a day. He couldn't say it and it didn't improve his condition. He racked his brain over what had happened and just couldn't get through the clouds in his mind. He couldn't remember anything, that would explain why he was here now. The last thing Tomas could remember, was having a mass in his small parish in Chicago. After that, everything was black.

"Father Tomas", a voice suddenly sounded in the room.  


He flinched and stared immediately at the door. There was one of the nurses and smiled at him. It was only when she asked how he felt, that he noticed that his breathing had accelerated. It took a moment for him to calm down and answer her.  


"I have questions", he said in a placid voice.  


"I think so, but you have to wait until Professor Malik has time for you."  


Confused, he looked at her. Who was Professor Malik? The doctor, he had seen before, was called Bryar.

"I thought Doctor Bryar..."

"Doctor Bryar is the chef doctor of this instituion", the woman explained smiling. "But he is not our psychologist, Professor Malik takes care of patients in your situation. Trust me, everything will be fine."

Tomas nodded and stared at his hands. He flinched as the nurse touched his arm. He looked at her questioningly.  


"I'd have to see your wounds, please keep still so I don't inflict any more pain on you."

"But...I'm not in any pain", Tomas said, confused.

That was strange. Actually, he should have felt pain, right? He knew that there were probably cuts under the bandages and patches. So why didn't he feel them. He had cut himself many times, when he was cooking and it had always hurt. But now the pain was missing. That was really strange...

"You're not in pain, because we gave you some painkillers, you are hanging on a infusionn bag ."   
  
She pointed to a infusion rack that stood next to the bed and Tomas hadn't noticed until then. That also might be an explaination, why he couldn't think clearly. Painkillers influenced thinking and, if it was a powerfull remedy, Tomas was surprised that he was still conscious. Maybe they had interrupted his panic attack by simply injecting a strong tranquilizer. 

"The seam looks good", the nurse interrupted his thoughts.

His gaze lowered and was glued to his arms in shock. She hadn't only loosened the bandages, but also removed the band-aids. Now he could see the sewn cuts. There were two, one on each forearm, and they reached from the end of the cuff, almost to the elbow. As it looked like the wound had gaped a lot. It was strange to see the cuts, but to feel no pain. Besides, he still did wonder, why he should have done that.

"I have to put band-aids on them."

Tomas was too shocked to react to that. The wounds disappeared again, under band-aids and these disappered under the bandages. Then the nurse turned away from him and headed for the door.  


"Why am I tied up here?", Tomas asked, as she almost left the room.  


"This is our normal procedure, with people with your behavior", she explained, smiling again. "But Professor Malik will explain everything  exactly to you, don't worry."

She left the room, but before she could close the door, Tomas stopped her again.

"Can I get something to eat?", he shouted after her.

"Of course, when it's time."

With that, the door closed and Tomas was alone again. When it was time...But when was that? He didn't even know how long he hadn't eaten. He became more and more aware of his hunger. Furthermore, the cuffs uncomfortably squeezed his wrists. But he couldn't do anything against neither of them. Actually, he couldn't even go to the bathroom. But strangely, he felt no urge to do so. But he wouldn't worry about that at the moment.  
  
Again he was compulsively trying to remember something, but it didn't work. He continued to rack his brains and didn't noticed that drifted into sleep again.

 

_ "Tomas!" _

_ Where did this voice come from? Why did that man call him? _

_ "You asked for help and now you are offended because I didn't brought any flowers?" _

_ What? _

_ "Father Tomas, how nice to see you." _

_ This time it was a woman's voice. He tried to see something, but there was total darkness around him. _

_ "What are you doing with her?!" _

_ Again a woman's voice, but this time she sounded younger and angry. What was going on here? _

_ "Father...Please...It hurts so much...I can't stand this anymore..." _

_ This time, the new voice seemed to belong to an older girl and she was crying. How could he help these people?  
_

_ "Father ..." _

_ The voice mentioned a name, Tomas was sure. But he couldn't understand it. He only knew that it wasn't his name. A sting shot through his head and made him scream. It was like someone was ramming a knife into his skull. _

_ "I can not anymore..." _

_ Another voice that increased the pain. _

 

"...mas...Tomas, wake up", this time it was a male voice again, that called him.

And it felt like someone was shaking him. Tomas opened his eyes and stared into a strangers face. The man in front of him had short, brown hair and a three-day beard. He looked at him with attentive, dark eyes. His hand was on Tomas' shoulder. He must have been the one who had shaken him.

"Calm down", he said in a calm voice, looking him straight in the eye. "Imitate me: Inhale...hold your breath a moment...exhale."

Tomas tried, but his breathing was much too fast. His gaze wandered around the room, searching for the people whose voices he had just heard.

"Look at me."

The man's voice was almost imperative. Tomas' gaze shot to him and he tried his best to look him in the eye.  


"Inhale...hold your breath for a moment...exhale", he repeated slowly, and finally Tomas managed to follow his instructions. "Good and again."

Tomas didn't know how long he had looked into the man's eyes and was breathing in sync with him, but it calmed him and his thoughts. Only when his breath stayed steady by itself and he no longer had to concentrate on the breathing technique, the stranger smiled at him.

"You did a great job, Tomas."

"Who are you?", he asked softly.

"I am Professor Malik, your psychologist."

Psychologist? Oh yes, the nurse had told him Malik would come to him, when he had time.

"How do you feel?", the professor asked, looking at Tomas firmly.

"I...I don't know", he replied openly, staring at his arms. "I can't remember anything...Not what had happened...Not why I should have done this...I'm sure I didn't tryed to kill myself..."

"However, the evidence speaks in favor", said Malik and sat down in a chair, that Tomas noticed only then.

"But I don't think so..."

"What do you remember?"

Didn't he just say he couldn't remember anything? Did the man even listen to him at all?

"You have to remember something. Elsewise you wouldn't know your name anymore and that's not the case, according to Doctor Bryar. So what's your last memory?"

Tomas was silent for a moment, thinking. His last memory...really the very last, before everything went black...

"I'm holding a mass in my church and my nephew is there too", he said with a smile. "He makes nonsense when I tell a story from the Bible. That was just before the Pope came to Chicago."

Professor Malik nodded, but looked at him worriedly.

"I want you to stay calm, Tomas", he said.

Irritated, Tomas looked at him. Why should he get nervous? After all, the breathing technique had helped him and he had calmed down completely.

"The Pope's visit to your parish was almost exactly two years ago."

The information slowly seeped into Tomas' brain and when he realized what that meant, he knew why the professor had asked for him to remain calm. Two years...Two whole years! That was impossible!

"That cant be true!"

That would mean he would have lost the memory of two years! That couldn't be true...that couldn't be true! Everything he had done in those two years, every person he had met, he should have forgotten?! What if he had forgotten some good friends...What if something important had happened and he couldn't remember it?

"Tomas, stay calm..."

"How am I supposed to stay calm?!", he yelled and pulled at his shackles.  
  
He wanted to get out of here! Why did they arrest him?! He had to talk to his sister and ask if she knew what had happened to him. Maybe she also knew the people whose voice he had heard in his dream.

"You need to..."

"According to you, I can't remember two years of my life! Who is really going to stay calm, when one gets such a message?!"

He heard a crack and saw that the buckle of the right cuff slightly bent. Maybe he could get his hand free like that. He knew he had the strength to do that.  


"If you don't calm down, I have to sedate you and I don't really want to do that a second time in such a short time."

When did they sedate him? Perhaps during the panic attack, when he had fallen asleep so suddenly? That's why he hadn't been able to push the tiredness to the side, not even after the nurse had left the room.

"You can't stun your patients, like you want!", he shouted and pulled on the shackles again, it was missing only a small piece, then the buckle would be so bent, that the cuff would open.

"If you stop, I won't have to do it."

Tomas looked challengingly at him. If he managed to distract Malik a little longer, then he was free. He could easily overwhelm the man. But he didn't came that far...The next moment, this leaden fatigue overwhelmed him again. The last thing he saw was how Malik put a hand on his shoulder and the last thing he heard was a silent apology from the psychologist. Then the deep darkness got him back. As he sank into it, he thought he heard a familiar voice that sounded startled and so sad at the same time.  
  
_" Tomas_..."


	2. My biggest fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You did what?!", he shouted as she told him that Tomas had been taken to a hospital.

The message had been clear...Marcus stood at the pier, staring out to sea, thinking once again if he should contact Mouse or Tomas. It had passed some time, but had he already forgiven himself? And could he bear watching Tomas ruin himself? Could he bear to see the darkness in his eyes again?  
And suddenly it happened...The world around him sank into complete silence. Nothing was to hear. Not the waves hitting the wooden poles, not the gulls overhead, not even the strong wind, that had come up just seconds before. He knew this silence...He knew who caused it. But why did God send him a signal just now, now that he was trying to figure out important things in his life. But the next moment everything was forgotten. For in the all-encompassing silence, a name echoed as loud as a clap of thunder.

_Tomas_

Marcus whispered Tomas' name and there was so much shock and sadness in his voice, how he wasn't used to. He had banished those feelings...but it was about Tomas. How could he not feel anything when he was in danger? Only when something cold ran down his cheeks did he realize, that he was crying. Something had happened, otherwise God wouldn't have sent him this message. He had to find Tomas!

With trembling hands, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened it. Just when he wanted to dial the only number that was saved, it started ringing. It didn't surprised him that this happened. God had always a strange timing, when it comes to him.

"Tomas?", he asked immediately alarmed, as he answered the call.

"No...But, how do you know...? I don't mind, we have to meet, where are you?", Mouse asked.

She sounded nervous and worried. Something had happeed...Something bad, he felt it.

"Where are you?", he replied flatly.

There was a snort and he knew, that Mouse was thinking about ending the conversation. Oh he knew her so well. But she just took another deep breath before she spoke.

"I'm in Richmond", she said.

I...I am, not we are, but I am. There was something wrong with Tomas!

"I'll be with you in two hours, send me the address. See you later", he ended the conversation and went to get a car.

Marcus didn't care how he was going to get the car. If necessary, he would have stolen one. But fortunately there was a car rental at the harbor. He paid cash, grabbed keys and papers, and drove off immediately.

The ride was pure torture. He racked his brain over what had happened to Tomas. From possession to death, every conceivable foreboding was haunting his head. More than once, he caught himself crossing the speed limit, and not just by a few miles per hour...It would be fatal, if he was having an accident, because he was too fast! He shook his head and slowed down. It wasn't like he was driving off the speed limits for the first time. On the contrary. He had often disregarded them and it had driven Tomas crazy. But in these situations, it wasn't about the life of his friend. He wasn't allowed to be arrested for driving too fast. Tomas didn't have time to wait for him.

The road stretched endlessly and if he had admired the great landscape on any other day, he had nothing left for it now.

 

It took him nearly two and a half hours to finally get to Richmond and half an hour to find the motel, from wich Mouse had sent him the address.

The receptionist looked at him suspiciously as he described her Mouse and asked which room she had booked.

"Why do you want to know that?", she asked, adjusting the glasses on her nose.

"She's a friend and asked me to visit her. We don't see each other very often, because we live far apart, but Richmond has been our regular meeting place for years."

"I can't just give you the room number, I'm sorry", the woman said.

Marcus slowly lost his patience. He had no time for such a nonsense! Tomas was in danger and only Mouse knew where he was.

"Please, at least call her in her room and tell her I'm here, my name is Marcus Keane."

For an infinite moment, she seemed to assess whether she should comply his request. Then she finally nodded and picked up the phone. Marcus drummed nervously on the counter and listened to the woman explaining to Mouse, that a strange man was waiting for her.

"You should wait here", she said, as she hung up the phone and looked at him again.

"Right here?", he asked, grinning mischievously.

He saw that she had to suppress a smile. Marcus laughed softly, turned away and went to a chair, which stood in the entrance area. He had just sat down, as Mouse already ran into the room. Her eyes found him immediately. Marcus saw pain, sadness, and an irrepressible anger in her eyes. He jumped up and went to her.

"What was..."

"Not here", she interrupted. "The walls have ears."

Marcus nodded and together they left the building. But even outside she didn't explain anything, just asked for his car. When they got into it, she just gave him another address and that was the moment in which Marcus' patience broke. He grabbed Mouse by the shoulders and pushed her against the passenger door.

"Damn it, Mouse, tell me what happened, otherwise I can't guarantee for anything!", he growled menacingly.

Mouse knew him, when he got angry. It usually didn't end well for the person who drew his anger. This time she was this person and she had no desire to calm an angry Marcus. Besides, she had to explain to him what had happened.

It took about an hour to tell everything. Marcus had been quiet the whole time. But his eyes spoke volumes. He was shocked, sad and angry...But most of all shocked.

"You did what?!", he shouted as she told him that Tomas had been taken to a hospital.

"He...He let it into his mind, then everything must have gone pretty fast...When I came to his, he was already on the ground - If I hadn't called the ambulance, he would have bleeded to death in a few minutes, Marcus!"

"That's...Mouse, that's..."

Marcus couldn't find words to express what he wanted to say. He wanted to shake her, until she admitted that it was just a macabre joke and Tomas was fine.

"How could you be so stupid and accept a job that sounds so obvious like a trap?!"

"I couldn't stop him", Mouse said. "A little girl who has been tortured by a demon for three weeks...You would have gone there too, to see if it was true and if you could help."

"I", cried Marcus angrily. "I'd have checked the rest of the signs before...The dogs...What the house looks like. Having a demon in your house, trying to take control of a human for three weeks, leaves its mark, you know...Tomas should have known! Besides, why did you let him go alone ?! You've been a team! You don't leave your partner alone!"

"You have to say that", Mouse growled annoyed.

"That was something different...And you know that."

Mouse laughed emotionlessly and looked at him with narrowed eyes.

"Like it was with me? Don't try to convince me that I let him down, Marcus! It's on your account! If you'd stayed...If you would face your feelings just once!"

Marcus snorted, drove to the side and got out of the car. He had to take five minutes, otherwise a disaster would happen. He knew it was his fault! He should never have left Tomas alone. But he had thought it was right...It had been the only way not to drag Tomas further into the abyss. It was the only way to not stain his soul even more. Why hadn't he made that decision earlier? At a time when Tomas could have gone back to his parish. He should never have taken him from Chicago, should have been steadfast at that time. Why had he agreed?

 _Because you already liked Tomas back then_ , he thought. _Because you fell in love and didn't manage to get your feelings under control. It's all your fault. You let him get too close to you..._

Too close, yes, considering what they had done as soon as the door to their motel room was closed. Exorcists shouldn't...weren't allowed to love. Love was the most dangerous thing in their job. If they fell for someone, the demons always had a person they could use against them. It never ended well! Marcus had heard of so many cases where the demons had sneaked into the loved one's mind. Either the loved person died or the exorcist died. There was very seldom the case that both got away safely.

A few months ago, Marcus had gone through the same thing and only seen one way out. He wouldn't have left Tomas to the demon, no matter what he had to do at that point. But in that situation, they find themselfs cought between the devil and the deep blue sea. Because Tomas would have also done everything to save him. So it wasn't an option to let the demon in his head to free Tomas. His friend would never have coped with it, if Marcus had made this sacrifice and he knew that. There was only one way out. He had pulled the trigger and at the same moment, he had realized what that meant for their future. He had killed for Tomas. He had put his life above Andy's and Tomas, his naive Tomas, couldn't accept this fact. So there was only one way to spare them days and nights full of quarrels.

If he had already known at that time, in wich danger Tomas got after he had left him, he would have stayed. He would never have let him go alone in this house...he would never let the demons do anything to him! But he couldn't blame Mouse. He knew Tomas very well by now and he knew that if he had something in mind, he wouldn't be so easily dissuaded. He also knew that Mouse wasn't the person who spent hours or days trying to stop others. If Tomas hadn't let go of his plans, when she asked for the third or fourth time, she accepted that she couldn't change his mind and let him do what he wanted.

It was all his fault, he had left him alone, when Tomas needed him most. He ran a hand over his face and took a few deep breaths to calm himself. Then he got back in the car and apologized to Mouse. But she waved and gave him a sympathetic smile.

"And you say, Bennett told you about the girl?", Marcus asked thoughtfully as he started the engine again and drove off.

Mouse nodded and stared at her hands. She had been surprised, when Bennett called her. Actually, she had assumed that he was still in the hospital. But this didn't seem to be the case anymore.

"I thought he was in a coma...", she mumbled. "But it seems that he's feeling better."

"We should investigate this matter when we have Tomas."

But when they arrived at the hospital, where Tomas had been brought, they received another surprise. They came to the station, where Tomas was lying, only to find that he wasn't there anymore. Worried, Marcus went to one of the nurses and asked about his friend.

"Are you a member of his family?", she wanted to know and looked at him with raised eyebrows, as he nodded. "I'm sorry, you don't look much like him."

"I'm his life partner", growled Marcus disgruntled and saw hwo the woman's eyes opened in surprise. "Would you now have the kindness to tell me where my partner is?"

"Um...Of course, he's at St. Jacob's Sanatorium for mental Illnesses."

"I beg your pardon?!"

Marcus looked shocked. What does that mean? There had to be a mistake. Tomas wasn't mentally ill!

"Well, there was no member of his family, who could have explained his condition to us. The standard procedure in this case is clear. We take care of the patient until he is stable and no longer in mortal danger, then he moves on to the next Sanatorium. In this case, to St. Jacob's Sanatorium."

Marcus didn't know what to answer...It was all too much. First the news that Tomas had been close to death when Mouse found him, then the argument in the car and now that! He would like to turn back time. Wouldn't he have left that day...or returned the next day? The urge to stay with Tomas had been there, but the desire not to pull him even more into the black had triumphed.

"Can you give us the address?", Mouse asked, as Marcus didn't say a word.

"Sure."

And so they sat back in the car, just a few minutes later and drove towards the outskirts. There was the St. Jacob's Sanitarium. But with everything they had expected there, they hadn't thought just a moment that something like this could happen.


	3. Am I mentally deranged?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you always gonna do that to me, when I do something that you don't like?", Tomas growled.  
> His tongue felt heavy and it was clear why. After all, he had been sedated twice in a short time. That left traces.  
> "Only if you are a danger to yourself or others."

Tomas thought he heard voices.  Unknown voices, none from his dream.  Slowly he opened his eyes and was almost blinded again.  But this time he got used to the brightness faster.  In the room stood the nurse from before and Professor Malik.  They seemed to argue with each other and neither of them had noticed that he had woken up.  


"... maybe we should try it like that", Malik nodded and finally turned to Tomas.  "Oh, you are awake."

Tomas could see a spark of surprise in his eyes, but it quickly faded.

"Do you always gonna do that to me, when I do something that you don't like?", Tomas growled.

His tongue felt heavy and it was clear why.  After all, he had been sedated twice in a short time.  That left traces.

"Only if you are a danger to yourself or others."

Tomas snorted derogatorily and lowered his eyes once more to his arms.

"When will I get rid of these things?", he asked, pointing his chin at the cuffs.

"If we are sure you will not hurt yourself anymore."

"That wasn't me! That was..."

Tomas stopped and shook his head. He knew, for a fact, that he wasn't responsible for the cuts. But how could he prove that? What could he do?

"We should devote ourselves to your therapy."

Tomas snorted again. If it went like the last time, he would sleep again in five minutes.

"I'm just trying to help you, Tomas, but if you accept the help...Well, that`s up to you."

He nodded slowly. Maybe he should just try it. Malik pulled up the chair next to the bed and gestured for the nurse to leave the room.

"So, if you agree to do what I tell you, we can try to get your memory back."

"What should I do?", Tomas wanted to know suspiciously.

Malik looked at him thoughtfully for a long moment. He probably wondered what he should do with him. Tomas couldn't imagine a method that would simply bring him back to memory. However, he wasn't a doctor or psychologist. Malik certainly knew what he had to do...Tomas hoped that anyway.

"I would like to try hypnosis with you", he finally said.

"Hypnosis?"

Tomas raised his eyebrows in disbelief.  Was he serious?  Hypnosis was a method Tomas didn't believed in.  He recalled hearing about many cases involving hypnosis, and was sure that people were not really healed.  Even with memory loss, he knew that wouldn't help him.  Nevertheless, he saw in Malik's eyes that he wouldn't be dissuaded from an attempt.  Finally, he sighed and nodded.

"Fine", Malik said, smiling and sitting up straight.

Tomas looked at him suspiciously, as he put his index and middle fingers on the back of his hand.  What was he doing?

"I want you to lie down comfortably..."

"For this I would need an other bed and no shackles", he interrupted.  
  
"Maybe we can take the cuffs off when we're done today", Malik replied.  "Now, lay down as comfortable as possible and close your eyes. I'll guide you through the hypnosis, so you don't have to be scared, okay?"

Tomas nodded again and did what the professor demanded. He closed his eyes and waited for what would happen next. Professor Malik told him to concentrate on his voice and Tomas tried. The professor's voice sounded soft and pleasant, so it wasn't hard to focus on it. He talked about thinking of what he remembered last. Tomas thought back to the fair. To the people of his parish, who sat in the church and listened to him. To Louis, who was fooling around and the people who laughed benevolently about it. It was a nice memory and yet it was overshadowed by something that Tomas couldn't reach. A shadow that broadened in his mind, spoiling the good memories and pushing Malik's voice into the background.

 

_ He saw a girl with blond hair, who looked at him in confusion. They sat in his office and she didn't seem to know what he wanted from her. She asked if she could go, but someone said no...Someone Tomas couldn't see. He only heard a male voice, but didn't know from whom. Tomas thought he remembered that this voice, or rather the man to whom the voice belonged, was important to him. But he why couldn't say why.  _

_ T hen suddenly a person appeared in front of him, his face in the shadow of a large black hat. His physique was slim, almost too lean. He had hidden his hands in the pockets of a dark leather jacket. Over his shoulder hung a green backpack. _

_ "Are you coming?", he asked and his voice sented a shivers down his spine  
_

_ "Who are you?", he wanted to know, but the man didn't answer. _

_ "Tomas, let's go!" _

_ The next moment, the man had moved away from him and Tomas felt that he had to go to him. He couldn't let him go! _

_ "Please, wait!", Tomas shouted and ran after him. _

_ But he didn't seemed to catch up with him. He could run as much as he wanted. The man moved more and more away, became smaller and smaller on the horizon and finally disappeared completely. _

 

Tomas woke out of hypnosis, with a cry. For a moment, he didn't know where he was or what he was doing here. He didn't recognized the man standing before him. What was going on here?!

"Easy, Tomas, you have to take a deep breath, in and out...yeah, just like that..."

Tomas did as he was told and as steady as his breath calmed, the memories came back. He was in the St. Jabobus Sanitarium; he had probably tried to kill himself; Dr. Bryar was the director of the institution and the man in front of him was Professor Malik. However, those weren't the memories he had hoped for. The hypnosis hadn't helped, on the contrary! It had only made things worse. Who was this man? What did he want from him and where should he go? There were more questions than he had had before.

"Can you remember anything?", asked Professor Malik.

Tomas hesitated and finally shook his head.

"Not really...I saw a girl", he mumbled. "I think she's in my community, she looked pretty taken and...and then there was a man."

"A man?", Malik repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't know why, but I think he's very important to me, he wanted me to come with him, but I couldn't catch up with him...If we find him, maybe I can remember something!"

Again Malik looked at him thoughtfully for a few minutes. Then he nodded and got up.

"I know someone who works for the police as a phantom artist, maybe he has time today and could come here, you know what the man looks like?"

Tomas hung his head. No, he didn't know that. How should they ever find him?

"All I know is his approximate build and what clothes he wore..."

"That's better than nothing, I'll call John right away and ask if he has time."

Professor Malik was about to leave the room, when Tomas stopped him again.

"You said you would take off the cuffs when I cooperate."

"Tomas...After what you did", he pointed to Tomas' arms. "If you are alone, I'm not going to take those cuffs off, we'll talk about it later."

"But...!"

But Tomas didn't get any further, because the door closed already behind Malik and he was alone again.  He looked up at the ceiling, his eyes blurry.  It took him a moment to realize that the blurred vision came from the tears gathering in his eyes.  Despair spread in him and threatened to roll over him like a huge wave. It couldn't be true that all this happened!  Maybe he just fell asleep and this whole situation was a dream.  He wanted to pinch himself, to see if he was really awake, but he couldn't because of the cuffs.  He raised his head and pushed it against the metal frame on the bed.  A softly pain twitched through his forehead and he closed his eyes tightly.  So he was awake and it wasn't a dream...More and more tears ran down Tomas' cheeks.  What had happened?  What did all this mean and why did Bryar and Mailk let him in the dark, about every step they took.  Were they not required to tell their patients what they were doing and why?  Something was wrong with this institution...and that became more and more clear to him in the next two days.

He got food and was escorted to the toilet by nurses. But he never saw other patients, not even when he had to walk down the hall for a short time, to get to Dr. Bryar's examination room. Tomas couldn't hear anyone. It was as if only he was here, he, the three nurses (of whom he still didn't know the names), Dr. Bryar and Professor Malik. It was really strange...

 

_ "Tomas, come on, what are you waiting for ?!", the stranger asked and for the first time Tomas could see part of his face. _

_ His chin and mouth, a three-day beard graced his chin and gave him a raw look. Tomas became more and more curious about what the man looked like, what color his eyes had, and whether the rest of his face looked so raw. Whenever he saw the figure of him in his dreams, his heart seemed to jump out of his chest. This man must have really meant something to him...Maybe he knew the answer to the question of what had happened to him. _

_ Then the man suddenly disappeared and Tomas found himself in a chapel. Before him, on a table, was the girl he had seen before. Her hair was plastered with dirt and her face looked like she hadn't washed it for years. Only at second glance, Tomas realized that she was tied to the table. _

__ "What the...", he mumbled.  
  
Then suddenly the male voice was back and Tomas looked up. The strange and yet so familiar man stood on the other side of the table and splashed water on the girl. She squirmed and screamed. Tears ran down her cheeks and he just didn't stop. Tomas heard him quoting bible verses...Was he also a priest? But what did he do there? What happened there?

 

"Tomas!"

Malik's voice ripped him out of the trance he always slid into, during hypnosis. Startled, his heart pounding wildly, he looked at the professor. It took a moment for his thoughts to get fully back in the here and now.

"What do you remember?", Malik wanted to know

"I...I'm not sure", Tomas muttered, running his hands over his face. "I saw the girl again, but she looked pretty awful, like she hadn't showered for weeks and was terribly sick, and then there was that man again...he splashed the girl with a liquid and it looked as if it hurt her...and he quoted verses from the Bible ...I don't know what that means..."

Malik put a hand on his shoulder and that made Tomas look up.

"I think I have an idea of what that means. Wait a moment, I'll be right back."

Tomas nodded and stared at his hands. He waited for Malik to put the cuffs back on, just as he had done the day before, after he had taken them off for the first time. But that didn't happened. Malik just left his room and even left the door open. For a moment Tomas quarreled with himself. He had just won the professor's trust, and if he did something he wasn't allowed to do, he might tie him to the bed all day again.  On the other hand, Tomas finally wanted to know what was going on here.

He got up from the bed and walked to the door. He paused for a moment, listening if someone was in the hallway. But that didn't seemed to be the case. So he took a deep breath and pushed the door fully open. He glanced out and couldn't see anyone there. His steps were hesitant and he wondered what would happen if someone found him. But with each step he became  more certain and ran faster. He knew the hallway. He led to the bathroom, Bryar's examination room and Malik's office. But he had never got further. However, this was about to change, as he entered a large room with tables and chairs in it. It looked like it was the living and dining room. But no soul was seen. After examining the tables, he could see a layer of dust on them, suggesting that no one had been there for a long time.

"My God...Where am I?", Tomas muttered and cried out the next moment, when a hand fell on his shoulder.

"I was worried, Tomas", Malik's voice sounded behind him.

Tomas turned and stumbled a few steps away from the man. What was played here? What should that mean? Why was nobody here, except him?

"Where am I here and where are the other patients?! I can't be the only patient here!", he shouted, taking another step backwards, just to bump against a table.

"What are you talking about?", Malik looked at him in confusion. "There are ten more patients here and five of them are in this room right now."

Now it was Tomas who looked at his counterpart confused. What did he mean by that? Nobody was here! When Malik noticed his look, he pointed only to Tomas. He turned and his eyes went wide, as if he was seeing ghosts. In fact, there were still five people in the room. Two men were sitting at a table, jiggling, one sitting in a chair (Tomas hadn't noticed), reading a book, and the other two stood at the window, looking out. Tomas rubbed his eyes, just to make sure he really didn't see any ghosts. But the men didn't disappear. Two of them looked at him questioningly and then return to their actions.

"I...But...there was nobody there, I swear!", Tomas shouted and turned back to the professor.

"Come with me, I think you need some rest now."

Malik put a hand on Tomas' arm and led him back to his room. There he sat down on his bed and buried his face in his hands. Was he going crazy now? Why hadn't he seen the men at the first time?

"What happens to me, Professor?", he murmured against his hands.

"I think your memories are getting in the foreground and overlay the reality...Simply explained, you  are hallucinating, Tomas", said Malik and sat down next to him. "But we get that under control, too."

Tomas laughed humorlessly and shook his head. Why did all this have to happen to him?

"Here, I brought you something."

With these words Malik put a newspaper clipping on his legs. Tomas grabbed it after a short moment of hesitation. The title was "Exorcism in Chicago-how the church destroyed the life of this young girl". Chicago...there was his parish! Then his attention wandered to the picture in the middle of the article. He was starring at him and he carried the girl from his memories in his arms. What did that mean? Had he participated in an exorcism? But there was no such thing as demons!

"What happened there?", he asked, continuing to stare at the picture, unable to read the text that stood next to it.  
  
"I don't know much about it, but what I know is that..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I don't know much about it, but what I know is that..."
> 
> Yeah...what did Malik know about Casey's case? And is Tomas really going crazy? Who knows? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	4. Something demonic?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marcus raised an eyebrow and looked at the building again. He had leaned over Mouse, to get a better view. A soft whisper, in the back of his head, told him something was wrong with this house.

"Are you sure this is the right address?", Marcus asked as he parked in front of St. Jacob's Sanitarium.

"Yes. That's the address who was written down by the nurse. It has to be here", Mouse replied.

Marcus raised an eyebrow and looked at the building again. He had leaned over Mouse, to get a better view. A soft whisper, in the back of his head, told him something was wrong with this house. For a Sanatorium that was inhabited, it looked a bit too run-down. On the third floor, the shutters hung in the windows as if someone had tried to tear them out. The facade was crumbling and looked old. But what fueled his mistrust most, was the fact that the entrance door was wide open.

Marcus had seen and walked in many such institution, and if there was something they all had in common, it was the locked doors. After all, the patients weren't allowed to disappear from there! Even the big iron gate, which separated the garden from the sidewalk, looked like it was rusty.

"Let's see if anyone's home", he mumbled and got out of the car.

Mouse followed him instantly. Side by side, they walked to the huge iron gate. At first, Marcus only cautiously pressed against it, afraid it would just fall backwards. But it didn't opened. Even when he pressed more firmly, it didn't moved an inch. He crouched down suspiciously and looked at the lock.

"It's locked", he stated.

"Locks have never been a problem for you", Mouse grinned.

He laughed and straightened up again. She was right. Surely he had picked more locks in his life, than he had cast out demons.

"But I don't think the owners would enjoy it, if I break the lock on their front door", he replied. "There must be a bell somewhere..."

They searched the wall on the sides of the gate, but couldn't find anything. Only when Mouse pushed the ivy aside, which grew there, did she discover a bell button. Next to it was a sign with something written on it. However, she couldn't say what. The paper was to old and the ink faded. Shrugging, she pressed the button and waited to see what happened.

It took a few moments, but then a woman, dressed in the clothes of a nurse, hurried out of the house and came to them. She made no move to unlock the gate, which only increased the distrust in Marcus.

"How can I help you?", she asked, smiling kindly.

"We want to go see my friend. We were told he was put here two days ago", Marcus explained and returned the smile. "His name is Tomas Ortega, can we see him please?"

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, but the patients in our facility have no right to get visited in the first few days. You have to wait another two to three days."

"I think you don't understand. Tomas has been mistakenly brought here. He's has a psychologist in our hometown, we're just here for a vacation", Marcus lied.

He hoped that they would let Tomas go with him, when they heard that another doctor was already on his case. However, he was badly disappointed, when the nurse shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Mr..."

"Keane. Marcus Keane."

"Mr. Keane, but we need a formal letter from his psychologist to release your friend."

Marcus gritted his teeth angrily. That couldn't be true, from where or whom should he get such a letter?

"I'm really sorry, but, as I said, in two or three days you can visit your friend. Please be patient until then. I have to go back in, the patients need my help, I wish you a nice day."

With these words, she turned to go, but Mouse stopped her once more. Not with words, no, she put her hand between the bars of the gate and held her by the arm. Startled, the woman looked at her and broke free from her grip.

"Could we, at least, talk to the director of this institution? We have some information s about Tomas' behavior, that could be of great importance in his recovery", she said, smiling apologetically at the nurse.

"If you give me your phone number, I'll let Dr. Bryar know, and he can call you."

Mouse nodded, pulled a small notebook and pen out of her jacket pocket, and wrote her and Marcus' phone number on the first page. Then she tore it off and gave it to the nurse. She stuffed it, in Marcus' opinion, carelessly in the pocket of her coat, turned away from them and disappeared back into the huge building. She closed the main door behind her, as if to prevent Marcus and Mouse from running after her.

"I have a bad feeling about this whole thing", Mouse mumbled, looking at the building thoughtfully.

"Like I...We should do some research."

Mouse nodded in agreement and they went back to the car. But Marcus didn't start the engine immediately. He leaned forward and looked at the building again. There was something eerie about it...something that sended chills through his whole body. He had to get Tomas out of there, as soon as possible!

"We'll do it that way", he finally said and looked Mouse in the eyes. "I'll drive you to the nearest cybercafe and you'll see what you can find out about this Sanatorium. I'm going to make myself a picture of the area here, we'll meet at your motel tonight and talk about everything else."

"You have a suspicion, am I right?"

"Let's hope it doesn't confirm ifself."

They drove for a while, until they found an cyber cafe. They were both silent on the drive, to lost in their thoughts. The uncomfortable feeling didn't want to leave their heads, but neither Marcus, nor Mouse said anything about it. They knew how it would go. It was like an exorcism! First, they would check the overall situation. What they started right away, with Mouse looking for information concerning the Sanatorium. Marcus intended to have a closer look at the building. But he didn't want to have Mouse with him. If he was caught, Tomas needed another person on the loose, who could help him. For a moment he thought of calling Bennett to ask for some help. But he still felt curious about the fact, that he had sent Mouse and Tomas to this case. He first had to find out, if Bennett himself had fallen into a trap or if his secret was from an darker nature.

"When do you want to meet again?", Mouse asked, pulling Marcus out of his thoughts.

"Just go to the motel when you're done, I'll come...and tell the lady on the reception I'm coming to visit, so I'm not going to have such a discussion again."

Mouse nodded and got out of the car. Marcus waited until she had entered the cafe and didn't started driving, until he saw her sitting down at one of the computers. His path led back to the Sanatorium. But this time he didn't stopped in front of the building, but parked two blocks away and set off on foot. He walked around the wall that surrounded the garden of the house and gave the whole building an impression of a prison or a lunatic asylum from a horror movie. The wall was, like the rest of the house, very old and crumbled in many places. For a moment Marcus really thought about taking advantage of the big cracks and climbing over the wall with their help. But he didn't know if it looked the same on the inside and if he could climb down. In addition, it was still too bright to enter the property unseen.

So he walked around it again and again. Then he explored the surrounding area and looked for signs, that there were demons in the vicinity. But he couldn't discover anything suspicious. No dogs, rats or other animals that behaved strangely. Even the people he met behaved perfectly normal. Was his guess wrong after all? However, the past had taught him something, and that was: not always everything went as he knew it. Andy's case had made that clear to him. He had sensed pretty quickly, that something was wrong with the island. But it had taken him too long to find out what it was. If he had paid more attention to what he had seen, what he had felt...instead of chasing after old-fashioned evidence that was not there...Andy might still be alive and Tomas wouldn't be locked up in this Sanatorium.

Marcus closed his eyes for a moment and tried to suppress the guilt, but it didn't want to succeed. He knew he couldn't reverse the past. That's why it was important to keep a clear head and not get distracted. Tomas needed his help and that as soon as possible.

 

When it got dark, Marcus made his way back to the motel. Once there, he walked past the reception, right to Mouse's room and knocked three times. It took only seconds for the door to open and Marcus to enter.

"Did you find out something?", he asked, without hesitation.

"Not much...But you better sit down first", Mouse replied and in her voice swayed unaccustomed concern. "You look completely exhausted, Marcus...What did you do?"

"I walked around the building and looked for signs of a demonic presence...But that's not the case."

Mouse nodded. She knew his suspicions, because she had the same. She knew many hospitals and their procedures with selfharming behaviour, and yet no patient was transferred to a mental health instituition, just as quickly as in Tomas' case. Besides, among the demons, it didn't seem like a secret that Tomas made a perfect target, as self-sacrificing as he immersed himself in each mission. She had done her part, she knew. Tomas was a weapon that had to be used and Mouse had used it. She wasn't afraid to see Tomas suffer...She herself had suffered, after all. Marcus had coddled him and held back his potential. She had been the complete opposite of it. That's probably why Tomas didn't want to be dissuaded from the case...He had wanted to show her, that he was no longer Marcus' reserved protégé, but an exorcist who was on his own two feet and able to make decisions.

"What did you find out?", Marcus interrupted her thoughts and looked questioningly at her.

"It looks as though the institution was closed until two months ago. Years ago there had been an accident, that had dire consequences. One of the patients was a serial killer and under strict surveillance, and somehow he must have managed to get a knife. When they opened his room to bring him his food, he broke out and killed all the other people in the house. After that the Sanatorium closed", Mouse explained. "Until two months ago, a certain Dr. Bryar showed up and took it over."

"That sounds like some story of a bad horror movie", Marcus mumbled thoughtfully.

"That's what I thought, too. But apart from that one incident, there's no information about the institution. I don't know, Marcus...Maybe we just see something demonic about it, because we're used to look for it...Maybe it's really _just_ a Sanatorium and we can get Tomas out of there, without a problem as soon as we talk to this Dr. Bryar."

Marcus nodded thoughtfully, though he didn't believed it. Something was wrong with that house...Something was wrong with this whole situation and he had to find out what it was, before Tomas was hurt even more.

"I'll go to sleep", he finally said and stood up.

Mouse looked at him in surprise, as he walked to the door, but didn't say anything until he had opened it.

"You can sleep here, you know."

Marcus paused and turned to face her. There was a tender smile on his lips, that compassionate and sincere smile, that only Marcus could manage.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Mouse..."

"Better than lying in the backseat of your car. There are two separate beds in the bedroom...Tomas and I slept here before this all happened."

For a moment Marcus thought about giving in to her. It would be nice to sleep in a bed. It would be nice to have someone to talk to again and not to be alone when the dark thoughts haunted him. But the truth was, that he couldn't afford that luxury...For the sake of Mouse. He couldn't let her come closer to him again, because he would drag her down into the abyss again...He'd done that before and never forgave himself.

"Sleep well, Mouse", he said, giving her another warm smile.

Then he closed the door behind him and left the motel. Marcus wasn't going to sleep in the car, in front of the motel. On the contrary! He drove back to the Sanatorium and parked on the opposite of the house. He would spend the night there. Maybe he could find out something useful. Something was strange about the sight that presented itself to him. It was already pitch-dark outside and although it was only 7pm, no light was burning in the whole building. Didn't the patients have the right to stay awake for longer? Or maybe something demonic really was going on? Marcus sat in the backseat of the car and stretched out his feet. His upper body was leaning against the door, so he could watch the building. If something was wrong, he would definitely find out!


	5. Drugs?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I would like to take some blood from you", Malik interrupted his thought.  
> "Why?"  
> "Well, it's like this", Malik put on a serious expression and looked firmly at Tomas. "We have often had to deal with patients who came from a disturbed relationship and..."  
> Tomas raised an eyebrow and looked at his opponent waiting ,as he stopped again.  
> "And?", he asked cautiously.

The dreams and hallucinations came more and more often and Tomas was sure that this completely white room contributed a great deal to it...as well as the fact that Malik was still only freeing him from the cuffs, when he was under his supervision. Sometimes he didn't know if he was dreaming or if things were really happening. Besides, he had completely lost his sense of time. The room had no windows to orientate whether it was day or night, and if he really was allowed to go into this livingroom, it always looked like it was just a hour after sunrise. What additionally affected his sense of time, was the fact that he slept at irregular intervals. He often felt tired and only wanted to close his eyes for a moment and when he woke up again, it seemed like he had slept for hours. However, Tomas didn't believed that he had already spent more than four days in this institution. When he was awake and not seeing the ghosts of his misty memories, he thought of what Professor Malik had told him.

So it seemed that it never had come to light what really happened in Chicago. The press had pretty much spiked the whole thing. The only certainty was that the girl, Casey was her name, had been very ill. Her mother had believed that she was controlled by demons and a certain Marcus Keane had exorcised her. For Tomas, this name had a familiar sound. Maybe he had met this man? After all, Cassey belonged to his parish. Surely he had spoken to this man at some point...presumably he had even spoken out against him. There was no such thing as a demonic possession! He wouldn't have tolerated an exorcism in his parish.

"Marcus Keane", Tomas muttered, as he stared at the white wall again.

He had asked Malik if he could get him a picture of the man and he had agreed. Maybe he remembered a few moments with him. Malik hadn't been with him for some time, which baffled Tomas. The professor had been sitting by his side almost the whole day, since he had woke up a few days ago. But there were other patients, and he had to help them ass well. A knock made Tomas look up. The door opened and in came a young man, he had never seen before.

"Hello", he greeted and went to his bed.

"Who are you?"

"John, I'm supposed to draw a phantom picture of a man you saw."

Tomas' expression brightened. He had already thought that Malik had forgotten to call the phantom artist. But now he was here and with his help Tomas could finally show Malik which man he had to look for.

"Are we going to start right away?", John asked and sat down next to Tomas.

"With pleasure."

John took a large, black book out of his pocket and opened it. There were already some drawings in it. It had to be his sketchbook. Tomas thought it was strangely familiar...Had he also owned a sketchbook? But he couldn't draw...Maybe he had started with it in the last two years and just couldn't remembered it anymore. He watched John open a blank page and finally retrieve a pencil from his pocket.

"Okay, start with the description."

"But I don't know how...I'm sorry, I've never done anything like this before", Tomas said meekly.

John smiled at him and tapped his pen against the blank page of the book.

"That's not a problem", he said. "Just tell me what you remember...For starters, it might not be bad to know if I should draw a picture of a face or a whole human and if it is a man or a woman."

"I don't remember the face well...But I know the stature of the man, he's about a head taller than me and very lean."

John nodded and began to draw. Tomas gave him all the information on the look of the man he could remember. Even the way the leather jacket almost snuggled against the slender body. He had imagined the man so many times, in all the time he had spent here, that he could accurately describe the few details. Gradually, a picture came about that resembled Tomas memories amazingly. All that was missing was the man's face. John had drawn a hat for him, just like Tomas' descriped it, that dipped his face in shadows. The only thing you could see was the chin, the lips and the stubbly beard. Tomas wasn't satisfied with this part of the drawing yet. He still looked too gentle.

"He have to look more raw, more...", Tomas stopped and thought for a moment. "I don't know how to describe it, he still looks too soft."

John nodded thoughtfully and studied the picture more closely. Then he picked up the pencil again and added a few more lines. When he was satisfied, he showed Tomas the finished picture. He looked at it briefly and then nodded. Much better. That was the man from his memories.

"That's him", Tomas muttered, picking up the book. "This man could help me get my memories back."

Just then, the door opened and Professor Malik came in. He held a note in his hand and smiled at Tomas.

"How far are you?", He wanted to know and came over to them.

"Done", John replied, showing Malik the drawing.

Tomas was about to say something, when he noticed the professor's expression. He didn't smile and didn't look very pleased with the picture. On the contrary, he seemed angry...Or was he worried? Was something wrong with the picture? But Malik couldn't possibly notice that. After all, he couldn't know what Tomas' memories looked like.

"This is the man you've seen in your memories?", he asked, with a voice that made Tomas shiver.

"Yeah...Why, what about him? Do you know him?"

Without a word, Malik put the note he had brought along next to the drawing and returned the book to Tomas. He looked at him a bit confused, then he lowered his gaze and opened his eyes wide in surprise. On the note was a man, slim, leather jacket, blue jeans, and he wore a black hat. He looked almost exactly as the man John had drawn. Tomas knew with unshakable certainty that this was the man from his memories. For the first time he could see his face as well. Serious, crystal blue eyes looked up at him from the paper. Lines that the years had left on his skin defined his already striking face. He had his lips pinched and his beard was missing, but there was no doubt! That was the man they had to find.

"Who is that?", Tomas heard himself asking.

"Marcus Keane", Malik replied.

Tomas stared at him. Marcus Keane? The man who exorcised this poor girl? But...why should he have something to do with him? Why should Tomas follow him? He had tortured a girl just because he was one of those fanatical followers of the church, that Tomas didn't like. What did he have to do with him?

"John, thank you for your work", he heard Malik say, as he continued to stare at the two images. "But I have to ask you to leave. I need to discuss something with Tomas."

"No problem, I'm glad I could help", John smiled, accepting his sketchbook from Tomas and smiling at him. "Good luck with your memories."

"Thank you."

Tomas stared back at the image of Marcus Keane, trying hard to figure out what he had to do with him. Malik's hand was already in his field of vision. He took off his cuffs and finally laid a hand on his arm.

"I have some news for you, but I'm not sure if you can handle it right now", Malik said. "It could be shocking for you. Would you like to hear the news anyway?"

Tomas thought for a moment. This, with Marcus, had been a bit of a shock. Did he want to hear another one today? Maybe he should ask Malik to tell him the news tomorrow? On the other hand, he would then ask himself all day long, what was going on and what Malik wanted to tell him. Surely the thoughts wouldn't left him alone until the next day.

"Tell me...It's not about a news more or less today", said Tomas with a shrug.

"I've discovered something about your past, hoping to help you", Malik began. "In the last two years, nothing has been heard about you except one thing."

He broke off and seemed to consider once again, whether to tell Tomas what he had found out or not. Then he looked him in the eyes very seriously, as if to make sure that Tomas understood everything, from what he said to him.

"Your sister reported you missing nearly two years ago", he continued. "The most recent indication about you, is that you are probably gone with this Marcus Keane. After that, your trail got lost for half a year. Then there are newspaper reports of two men in various places, who conducted exorcisms and the description fits perfectly to you and Keane. The last report in this direction is a few months back, you probably did an exorcism on an island...Or you wanted to. They found a guy who had been shot. Then your track gets completely lost, until the day when you were brought to the hospital."

Tomas stared at him. His brain processed this information very slowly. It was as if something was slowing down his thinking. Gradually he finally understood what that all meant. He had traveled the country with Marcus Keane and had performed exorcisms...He had fought demons, creatures he didn't believe in! What had this man done to him, that he had begun to believe in them?

"Do you believe in demons?", Malik wanted to know.

Tomas shook his head silently. Demons were an invention, figures that people had come up with to have an explanation for illness and death. They weren't more. Demons aren't real! Then why had he been traveling with this Marcus? And why had his sister reported him missing? If he had left of his own free will, he would have said goodbye to her and Louis. He would have told them, where he was going and would have stayed in contact with them...Was it possible that...

"Did...did that Marcus kidnap me?", he mumbled.

"I can't tell you that. I don't know", Malik replied. "But if you don't believe in demons, do you have an explanation for why you did these exorcisms with Keane?"

He shook his head again. No, he didn't have any explanation. He couldn't even put his mind on what had happened.

"I would like to take some blood from you", Malik interrupted his thought.

"Why?"

"Well, it's like this", Malik put on a serious expression and looked firmly at Tomas. "We have often had to deal with patients who came from a disturbed relationship and..."

Tomas raised an eyebrow and looked at his opponent, waiting as he stopped again.

"And?", he asked cautiously.

"Most of these patients were drugged by their partners. So they believed everything they were told and the partners were able to control them and determine what they were believing was true and what not."

"You want to tell me, that I was drugged for two years and therefore traveled with Marcus across the country?", Tomas asked again, just to make sure that he had understood everything correctly.

"That's exactly what I mean."

"But...why do I not have any withdrawal symptoms? That would have to occur, if I was really drugged over two years."

Malik just shrugged.

"That's the only reason that speaks against drugs, in your case."

Tomas shook his head. He didn't thought he was so gullible and had trusted Marcus so much that he could somehow administer drugs to him. On the other hand...Which further explanations were there for his behavior and condition?

"I want to take blood from you to test it for drugs, so we can be sure."

Tomas merely nodded and watched Malik as he rolled up the right sleeve of his shirt. Then he took a rubber band out of his pocket and put it around Tomas arm, so the blood was jammed. Tomas saw him pull a syringe and a sterile-packed needle out of his pocket and put it together. Only when Malik stabbed the needle in his arm, Tomas looked to the side. He couldn't see his blood drain into the tube of the syringe. The whole thing was over within a few minutes and Malik taped a band-aid on the stitch.

"I'll send it straight to the hospital lab and have it checked", he said. "Should I take the picture with me?"

Tomas looked down at the picture in his hand and shook his head. No, he wanted to keep it. Maybe it helped his memory.

"Well, as soon as I hear something, I'll let you know", Malik left the room.

Tomas sat on the bed and stared at the picture in his hand. Something told him that Malik's guess was wrong. He didn't believe that Marcus had drugged him. There had to be another explanation for why he had been traveling with this man. Tomas sank back and stared up at the ceiling. Only then did he realize, that Malik hadn't put his cuffs back on. For a moment, he felt the urge to sneak out of his room again and look further outside. But then he remembered what had happened last time and decided against it. Instead, he closed his eyes and just wanted to rest for a moment. But when he opened them again, he was no longer in the white room, _but in a room that looked more like a hotel room._

_"You love me?", he heard the now familiar voice._

_But this time he could see a clear picture of the man. Beside him, on another bed, sat Marcus Keane, staring at him with wet eyes. What had he just asked? Did he love him? Tomas felt something arouse in himself...a feeling...affection? Maybe, sympathy? Marcus looked like he was near to collapsing._

_"You can not be serious...just get this idea out of your head, Tomas...I can't let you enter this circle of hell", Marcus voice sounded again._

_What did he mean by that? Apart from the fact that Tomas would certainly not fall in love with a man, he had nothing against such relationships. He also didn't believed that God condemned same-sex couples. Humans were only able to feel the things that God had given them. So it was also God's will that people could fall in love with people of the same sex._

_The next moment, Marcus knelt on the ground in front of him, holding his hands gently with his. A warm shiver went through Tomas._

_"Yes...I love you too. But, Tomas", Marcus said and sounded almost desperate. "But we can not...We are not allowed..."_

Then the hallucination suddenly changed...Or was it a memory? Tomas didn't know. He couldn't distinguish between the two.

_Now he was in a car, in the back seat and as he looked around, he noticed that he was lying between Marcus legs. He had his right leg, on which Tomas' head layed, on the ground, the other was on Tomas' back. One hand stroked his hair and he heard a low murmur from Marcus. Tomas focused more on the words, but he could only understand them after a few moments._

_"I will not let them get you, Tomas. Believe me, I will not let this happen. I'll always bring you back and if it's the last thing I do...I'll always bring you back to me."_

_What did he mean by that? Who shouldn't get him? Why did he always want to bring him back? That made no sense...What was going on there? What did Marcus want from him?...Could Malik's guess be true in the end?_

The memory gradually faded and Tomas realized he was in his room, in his soft bed. It took him a moment to get fully back to the here and now, but then countless questions flooded his head again.

What had happened between him and Marcus? Who wanted to get him and why did Marcus want to prevent it? Why should he tell a man that he loved him? Did Marcus really drugged him to keep him? What the hell, had happened in this two years ?!

The door to his room opened and tore Tomas from his thoughts. In came Malik. Tomas could tell by his expression that he didn't liked his next words.

"The result of the blood test is here", Malik said, holding up a piece of paper.

"That was fast..."

Tomas thought he remembered that these tests usually took much longer.

"Well, at least four hours, do you really want to know the result?"

Tomas nodded. At least for this part of the last two years, he wanted to bring light to the dark.

"It looks like I've got it right, there are drug residue in your blood. From which drug exactly is the lab still trying to find out...Tomas, I was hoping to get another message for you", Malik explained.

Tomas stared at him. So was it true? Marcus had drugged him to control him? To sell him a lie as truth, so that he stayed with him? Could this really be possible? But why not? The question now was whether he really wanted them to find Marcus and interview him about the past two years. If he had really given him drugs, he would surely lie to save his skin. Maybe they should just tell everything the police?

Tomas' head began to hurt. The information was just too much for him. He felt as if his skull was bursting at any moment.

"I think you need some rest to process all the information", Malik said, laying a hand on his shoulder. "If I spare you the cuffs, do you promise me not to do anything stupid?"

Tomas nodded and sank back onto the bed. He wouldn't do anything stupid, he couldn't think about doing anything. He just felt as if he had to hold his head together, so that it wouldn't burst apart.

"I'll give you a light sleep aid so you can really relax."

"Okay..."

Malik took an injection from his pocket and stabbed it into Tomas' arm. Tomas got instantly tired. The pain in his head moved into the background and became a slight pressure in the back of his head. Malik hadn't arrived at the door, when Tomas was already asleep. He looked at Tomas for a moment, then his expression changed and instead of a worried look, a devilish grin spread across his face.


	6. The smell of something rotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know that myself", muttered Marcus, taking a sip of his coffee.  
> Mouse looked at him worriedly. She had never saw him like this before.

"You can tell me a lot, Marcus, but you haven't slept one hour and that for two days", Mouse said as they met in a café the next morning.

Marcus sat at a small table, his hands wrapped around his cup, and yawned heartily as Mouse appeared beside him. Now he looked morosely at her with tired eyes. It was true he hadn't closed his eyes all night in the last two days. But he had found out something very interesting. However, he didn't know if he should tell Mouse. After all, she had previously emphasized that she wasn‘t sure if anything demonic was going on in the asylum. On the other hand, he couldn‘t carry on with his plan alone. He needed her help.

"I've watched the Sanatorium", Marcus muttered, looking down at his cup of coffee. He heard Mouse sigh, but continued anyway. "During the day I couldn‘t see anything conspicuous, but at night it's different..."

"How different?", Mouse wanted to know and looked at him questioningly.

"I don‘t know how to explain it. The house has a different charisma at night than during the day, you can literally feel it _pulsing_...Like it is a living creature", he murmured lost in thought.

"Houses can not pulsate", she replied, expecting a very harsh response, but it didn‘t come.

"I know that myself", muttered Marcus, taking a sip of his coffee.

Mouse looked at him worriedly. She had never saw him like this before. If she would sitting across from someone else, she would have said he looked like he had met a ghost. But Marcus had met so many ghosts that he shouldn‘t be so shocked. Something was really wrong with the house.

"Besides, I heard dogs howling, but couldn‘t see them", he continued. "It all started when a tall man walked through the gate and ended when he came out in the morning…I think this man is possessed by a demon."

He took a sheet of paper from his jacket pocket and handed it to Mouse. She looked at the person who had been drawn by Marcus. Once more she admired him for this gift.

"Can you look for any informations about him please?", he asked - another sign that something was wrong with him...Marcus Keane, the Marcus Keane she knew, wouldn‘t ask for help in such a case. "I'll try my luck at the Sanatorium again, maybe they'll let me go to Tomas now."

Mouse nodded and pocketed the drawing. How could she say no, when he was so desperate and asked for help? Marcus nodded gratefully, downing the last of his coffee and getting up.

"Good luck," he said, smiling at her.

"Don‘t do anything rash", Mouse called after him as he was halfway to the door.

"Never..."

"No, you would never act rashly when it comes to people you love...", she murmured, shaking her head.

 

Back in his car Marcus took a deep breath. It was true what he had told Mouse. Something like that...Such an aura, as the one surrounding this house, he had never felt somewhere else. Marcus hoped Mouse could find out something about that man. On the one hand, he still hoped that his assumption wasn‘t confirmed and the institution just made a scary impression. Maybe he had been too tired, so he thought the house had pulsed. Even for the dogs there was a different explanation. After all, there were often strays in such cities and these howl also quite often at night. On the other hand, he could act differently if the whole thing really had something to do with demons. He didn‘t have to take the official way to free Tomas, but could just break in and get him out. Maybe he would do it too, if it really turned out that no demon was involved. After all, he didn‘t have to fake the letter of a psychologist. But first he would try again to get the permission to visit Tomas. The excuse that patients weren’t allowed to be visited in the first few days no longer counted. After all, today was the fifth day he was in this so called Sanatorium.

When he arrived there an icy shiver ran through him. He had to get Tomas out there as soon as possible. He had to free him and make sure he was fine! Why hadn‘t he broken in long ago and taken him? That would be so much easier...

 _But then you have to flee. You don‘t know in which state Tomas is in_ , Marcus thought, and rejected that plan for the time being.

He got out of the car and walked to the gate. There he stood another moment and looked into the garden. He hadn‘t considered this before. But it looked just like the rest of the building - neglected and rundown. Weeds were growing everywhere, the grass looked dry, even though it had been raining a lot in the last few weeks. The leaves from last fall rotted slowly under the trees.

 _Dreary_ , Marcus found this word described the garden exactly. He tore himself away from the sight and pressed the bell. It took longer than the last time, before someone got to the gate. Again, it was a nurse. As she got closer, Marcus realized that it was the same woman as last time.

"How can I...Oh, it's you", she said in surprise, stopping a few steps from the gate.

"Can I see my friend today?", Marcus came straight to the point. "Or do you have any excuses again?"

"I...", she stopped and seemed to think carefully about her next words. "I'm sorry, but your friend's condition has deteriorated. Dr. Bryar has ordered that he shouldn‘t get in touch with others, because it could aggravate his condition."

"Then I want at least to talk to this Dr. Bryar", Marcus said, his voice sounding dangerously calm.

"Dr. Bryar is not in the house right now, I'm really sorry."

Marcus snorted and stepped closer to the gate. He put a hand around one of the iron bars, which made the whole gate tremble, and looked at the nurse with a cold gaze.

"Either you let me to this so-called doctor, or I will report this facility to the authorities. Surely it doesn‘t suit the rights who apply to such institutions, as this building looks like it is abandoned for years."

The woman looked at him startled. That could only mean that he was right and that they didn‘t want to risk somehow getting in touch with the authorities. Her expression changed instantly, and now there was a hint of hostility in her eyes.

"Wait here, I'll see what I can do", she said, turning on her heel and disappearing back into the house.

Marcus couldn‘t suppress a grin. So much for Bryar was not in the house. He stood in front of the gate for half an hour, waiting. He got more and more nervous with every passing minute. He tapped his foot impatiently on the floor and played with the ivy, which had grown around the bars of the gate. Finally, the nurse came back and pulled a key from her pocket. She unlocked the gate and stepped aside so Marcus could walk past her.

"You're lucky", she said. "Dr. Bryar returned a quarter of an hour ago."

"For sure", Marcus didn‘t believe her.

He had been in front of the building a quarter of an hour ago. Nobody had entered it at this time, and there was no back entrance either, he knew that from his research.

A strange feeling crept over him as he approached the building. Nervousness overcame his thoughts and he had to pause for a moment to get himself together. The feeling didn‘t completely disappear, but he shoved it into the background of his thoughts. He couldn‘t allow himself to be distracted by it! After all, Tomas was somewhere in this building and had to endure God knows what. He owed it to him, no matter which feeling wanted to dissuade him!

"This way", the nurse said, stepping through the front door.

Marcus followed her and looked carefully around the corridors through which they walked. Inside the building it didn‘t looked so bad. Although there were some defects, blank walls with big cracks, rooms where the doors were missing, windows that had already seen better times. Through every crack whistled the wind. Marcus had to keep to himself shut, so as not to comment on it. He didn‘t want to give the alleged nurse, or anyone else, any reason to distrust him.

It took several minutes before they finally stopped in front of a door and Marcus was told to wait again, while the nurse entered the room behind it. When he was alone, he immediately turned on his heels and threw a searching look down the hall. Something seemed to him more than strange: No one was seen in the hallways and no room urge a noise that could come from a human. He had been to such facilities many times, people whom a demon had taken possession of and who tried to tell someone, were often thought to be crazy. But every institution was equal in one point - there were patients who didn‘t have to stay in their rooms, there were patients who screamed almost incessantly and nurses were out to take care of them at any time of the day. But it wasn‘t like that here.

 _Dreary_ , Marcus thought again.

Since he had entered the building, he couldn‘t shake off the feeling that something squeezed his heart, so it couldn‘t work properly. A headache spread from his neck, all over his skull, and it was hard for him to breathe. If he needed any further proof, to be sure that a demon was up in this house, it was offered to him as the nurse opened the door and he could enter the room beyond. Marcus was used to a lot of disgusting smells. Thanks to his job...Demons made it as unpleasant as possible to the relatives of their victims and came up with all sorts of nauseating stuff. But the one he smelled in this room surpassed anything he had ever smelled. It smelled like decay, death and suffering, mixed with the smell of a rotting animal. As soon as he entered the room, he felt the need to look around and find the cause of the stench or simply open a window.

"So you are that obtrusive person who doesn‘t want to abide by our rules", came a voice in front of him and Marcus let his gaze wander to the man sitting behind the desk, which occupied most of the room.

"Looks like that", Marcus replied and shrugged. "And then you are Dr. Bryar, who is holding people for no reason."

He sat down unasked in one of the two chairs, which stood in front of the desk and looked at the man across from him. With a slight surprise, he realized that it was the man who had entered the building the night before. Maybe Mouse didn‘t have to do so much research. After all, he could get a picture of him now.

"What exactly do you want, Mr..."

"I want to see my friend", Marcus said, ignoring the unspoken question for his name. "He was mistakenly brought here."

"I assure you, all our patients are here for the right reason."

"Tomas has a psychiatrist in Chicago, we're just on vacation in this city. I'd like to take him back home, after all we both have to work. I don‘t know how to explain this longer stay to my boss, let alone Bishop Egan, who took over his church in Tomas' absence."

Marcus didn’t really thought that excuse would convince the possessed doctor to give him Tomas. But it was worth a try. With the prospect of more priests getting involved in this case, the demon may would abandon his plan. But this small hope, died at the next words of the man.

"Even if I wanted to, I couldn‘t just let your friend go. Firstly, we need a confirmation letter from his psychiatrist that he's really under treatment and secondly, he has to pass a mental clarity test, and that should be, in his case, very difficult if not impossible."

A grin spread across Bryar's face that made Marcus' blood run cold. What did they do to Tomas? Marcus tried to control himself, but as Bryar's grin widened, he lost his temper. He jumped up, clenched a fist in the so-called doctor's hair and thundered his head on the table with full force.

"If you Bastard did anything to Tomas, you'll regret it bitterly", he growled, adding in a whisper, "I know exactly what you are and I'll drive you out, and if that doesn‘t work, I'll kill you. I'm going to let you feel everything you did to Tomas, but it will be three times worse."

A laugh pervaded the room and suddenly Marcus was grabbed from behind and pushed back into the chair. The nurse towered over him, holding a syringe in her hand. Marcus wanted to jump up, get out of reach, but her hand on his chest held him in the chair as if he were a child. He glanced back at Bryar, who was holding his phone and typing in a number. Blood dripped from his forehead, where his skin had burst.

„You can do nothing! I’m going to get Tomas out of here anyways“, Marcus barked und tried to free himself again, but the nurse didn’t let go of him.

"Yes, Dr. Bryar here", Bryar said when the call was answered. "Can you please send a patrol to the St. Jacobs' Sanatorium? Yes, we have an uninvited guest here who doesn‘t want to go...Thank you...Oh, you can take your time,I’ve sedated him, to protect our nurses and patients."

Marcus eyes widened and he stared at Bryar, who was grining even wider. Then his gaze turned back to the nurse. Just then, he felt a sting in his shoulder.

"Sleep well, little exorcist", he heard her say, before his eyes closed.


	7. Shower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He closed his eyes and enjoyed the shower to the fullest. Tomas could literally feel his body relax.

Tomas was awakened by a gentle female voice. He opened his eyes and saw one of the nurses standing beside his bed. She gave him a friendly smile.

"The cuts heal very well", she said when she was sure he was listening to her. "If we put waterproof band aids over the cuts, you can take a shower...Of course only if you want."

"Very much", Tomas nodded enthusiastically.

He didn't know how long his last shower was, but one thing was certain, it had to have been several days. He had noticed yesterday that he smelled unpleasantly of sweat. The nurse was still smiling as she watched him getting out of bed. Silently, she led Tomas out of the room and down the hall. He had never walked in this direction before. It wasn't long before they stopped in front of a white door.

"Here's the bathroom", she said and opened the door.

Tomas came in and watched in light shock as she followed him. Just when he wanted to say something, she began to explain.

"I'll still have to tape the waterproof band aids over the old ones and Professor Malik has ordered not to leave you alone. You'll have to deal with the fact that I'm here in the room while you take a shower."

"But..."

"I'm sorry, but instruction is instruction. Don't worry, if you feel better, I'll turn my back to you."

Tomas nodded obediently. There was no point in discussing it. She smiled again and walked over to the sink, which, with its dresser and towel rack, occupied the entire left front of the room. There were two waterproof band aids, which she picked up and went back to Tomas. He had already pushed up the sleeves of his shirt. Next, the nurse loosened the bandages on his forearms and taped the new band aids over the others. Now Tomas could take a shower without getting the seams wet. As promised, she turned around as Tomas started undressing. Still, he was uncomfortable that she was in the room. It was years ago that a woman had seen him naked...or so he thought, he couldn't be sure, right? Although this wasn't even the case right now. She didn't look at him and yet he felt watched.

Tomas let out a sigh of relief as he closed the frosted glass door of the roomy shower, finally breaking every possible eye contact with the nurse. He turned on the water and winced slightly as it pelted down on him coldly. It only took a moment for it to reach a pleasantly warm temperature, so he could relax. It was indescribably good to feel the water on his skin and pretend for a few minutes that his life was normal.

He closed his eyes and enjoyed the shower to the fullest. Tomas could literally feel his body relax.

And then he suddenly felt the breath of another person on the back of his neck. Confused, he opened his eyes and stared at the wall in front of him. There were no longer the white tiles of the spacious shower to see,  _but brown tiles. The size of the shower had changed too. It was more like a shower in a cheap motel. The water had again taken on an almost unpleasant cold and burned in Tomas eyes. Was that a hallucination or a memory? He couldn't say it at first. He took a step backward and bumped into a body that was clearly male. Startled, he tried to turn around, but was stopped by a hand that pushed him forward. Automatically he put his hands and forehead against the cool tiles. Then he felt a hand in his hair that pulled his head slightly to the side. A shiver went through him as he felt lips on his neck._

_What happened to him? Who was this man behind him and what did he do there? The scratchy hair of a beard stroked the skin on his neck. He wanted to fight back, but could not move. Large, slender hands lay over his. Tomas could see that a tattoo on the back of the left hand. Two circles...one smaller in the middle and one a little larger on the outside. In addition, the wrist adorned a leather string, on which hung a small, silver pendant. He didn't know anyone who owned such a bracelet and no one with a tattoo on his hand. He tried again to turn around, but his body didn't obey him!_

Please, _he thought._ Please _,_ I don't want this! I want to wake up...

_The lips moved his right arm down to the crook of his arm and at the same time the left hand broke away from his own. Instead, it was laid, almost tenderly, on his hip and pulled him close to the person standing behind him. All this happened without the slightest touch of force or coercion, and yet Tomas was scared...afraid of what would happen if he didn't wake up soon from this hallucination or memory. He didn't want to know it!_

_The hand came to rest on his stomach and the lips between his shoulder blades. Tomas jerked away from it. That was the moment when he realized that he was back in control of his body. He clenched his hand into a fist and turned, ready to defend himself against the man behind him. But then he froze, the force leaving his arm, leaving him limp beside his body. Shaking his head, he backed away until he felt the wall in his back._

_"Are you okay, Tomas?", Marcus Keane asked, standing in front of him and looking at him worriedly._

_No! No, that couldn't be...That couldn't be! Why was he in the shower with Marcus? Why had Marcus kissed and touched him?_

God...Please don't _, thought Tomas, feeling his legs give way._

_He slid down the wall, still staring at Marcus. That could only be a memory...In his hallucinations Marcus never appeared._

_"What is it? Aren't you feeling well, Tomas?", Marcus asked._

_A memory in which Marcus and he took a shower. That could only mean one thing...Tomas pressed his palms to his eyes and at the same time buried his fingers in his hair._

_"Tomas...", he still heard his name._

_That could only mean that Marcus...he had probably not only drugged him so he would help him torture people and made them think that they were possessed by demons...No, he had apparently rap..._

"Tomas!", that was a woman's voice.

Slowly he removed his hands from his eyes. He sat huddled in a corner in the spacious white-tiled shower and stared at the nurse who had squatted in front of him. She had probably turned off the water so she wouldn't get wet. When Tomas saw her, he forgot for a moment any shame and threw himself forward. Somewhat confused at first, she finally put her arms around his shoulders and tried to calm him down. He felt his breathing go quickly and tried to calm down, but that took a few minutes.When he regained his thoughts, he suddenly realized that he lay naked in the arms of a nurse and he backed away from her. Ashamed, he turned away and didn't know what to say. Suddenly a towel was wrapped around his shoulders. He pulled it down and wrapped it around his body. Then he turned back and nodded thankfully.

"You know, my job includes sometimes to see people without clothes. There are even people in this institution who I need to wash", she explained, trying to take away some of his shame. "You are not the first man I see naked and will not be the last one. The job of a nurse inevitably brings that with it sometimes."

"I know that", Tomas muttered, his cheeks still red. "However, I'm not in need of help...and I feel uncomfortable being seen like that."

He gratefully acknowledged that she had turned her back on him again and that he could dry himself and dress unobserved.

 

"Did you remember anything?", she finally asked as they were on their way back to his room.

"I...I don't know", he lied. "It was a few pictures, but I can't say exactly what."

"You seemed very scared of it."

Tomas just nodded. He was scared...He was still scared. What if his guess was correct? What if Marcus had drugged him so he could do what he wanted with him...in every way? Until a few days ago he had still thought that such people were not in his environment. Now he had to learn, step by step, that he had been traveling with someone like that for two years. It couldn't be! At some point he had to have been in his right mind and tried to escape. People couldn't be drugged 24 hours a day for two years...could they? On the other hand, that happened when you were in an artificial coma...At least that's what he believed. To be sure, he hadn't dealt with this matter so far.

They reached his room and Tomas sat down automatically on the bed. The nurse removed the band aids from his arms and wanted to change it. But unfortunately she had forgotten the new ones and had to get them first, Tomas had the opportunity, for the first time, to look closer at the seams. The cuts began short below his wrist, right where the artery was supposed to be and went down his arms almost to the elbow. The cut on the left was sewn with 40 stitches, the one on the right with 35. Tomas had always thought that you couldn't sew vertical cuts. Apparently you could. Carefully he ran his finger over the seam on his left arm and was again very surprised that he felt no pain...Not even a gentle sting. After all, he got no more painkillers on the drip, so he should actually feel pain, right? Shrugging, he continued to look down at his arms as his memory came back to his mind.

Did he maybe do it because of that? Because he could not stand it anymore? If Marcus had abused and drugged him and he knew it in a single clear moment...Tomas couldn't possibly imagine that suicide was the only way out he'd seen. After all, suicide was a mortal sin! However, his brain was probably dulled by the drugs and it was an act of the affect. Marcus might not have been in the same room at the time and he just wanted it to stop?A sting in his head made Tomas wince and close his eyes for a moment. By now he knew what that meant... Almost every time a memory made its way from the depths of his mind to the surface, he got a headache.

_So it didn't surprise him that, when he opened his eyes, he no longer sat in his room in the sanatorium, but in the corner of a room that looked as if it hadn't been cleaned for years._

_In the middle of the room was a girl, maybe fourteen, as Tomas estimated. She was tied to the ground with heavy iron chains. She writhed on the floor and gasped and groaned in pain. Above her stood Marcus, in one hand the Bible, in the other a crucifix. His lips moved in prayer, but Tomas couldn't understand what he was saying. He didn't fully understand why the girl was in pain, Marcus only prayed. Maybe he had done something to her before and that's why she squirmed on the ground._

_Tomas wanted to get up and go to her, but he couldn't. As in the shower before, his body didn't want to obey him. He lowered his eyes and froze when he saw blood on the gray T-shirt he wore. It didn't looked like it was splattered on him, but much more, as if it was still soaking. Only then did he notice the stinging pain in his chest. Something had happened...someone had hurt him, or was it he who had hurt himself? However, the amount of blood was more than alarming. But Marcus didn't really seem to care. He was slowly walking around the girl, like a wolf rounded his prey, praying and ignoring him._

_Tomas felt tears running down his cheeks. Why did he cry? Because Marcus didn't pay attention to him? Because the girl had to endure hell's pain, at least that's what it looked like? Or because he knew he could have bleeded out by now? He couldn't say it and it would always be a mystery, then the next moment he was torn from the memory._

Panting, he looked at the nurse, who stood in front of him and looked at him worriedly. Her hand was on his arm, she had probably shaken him lightly. He felt that his cheeks were wet. Did he really cry?

"Are you alright?", she wanted to know and looked questioningly at him.

"Yes...", he mumbled. "Yes...I'm fine, just remembered...something."

She simply nodded and removed her hand from his arm.

"Professor Malik will be right here, then you can tell him about it."

  
Malik came half an hour later to check on him. The nurse had already informed him that Tomas had remembered something. So they spent the next hour talking about these memories. Tomas hesitantly told what he had remembered in the shower.

"Given that we were able to detect drugs in your blood, I think your guess isn't that wrong", Malik said thoughtfully. "You wouldn't be the first victim drugged by his partner to be obedient."

Tomas didn't answer. What should he have said? Oh that calms me down? Good to know that others did experienced it too? How could one respond to this, if such a guess was confirmed?

"Did you remember anything else?", Malik interrupted his thoughts.

Tomas told him about the memory of the alleged exorcism. He found it odd that the professor wanted to know every detail of this memory, where he had so quickly dismissed the other one before. But that certainly had its reason...so Tomas told himself. He explained everything he wanted to know and what he remembered.

"That was very enlightening", Malik said, after Tomas had finished and he apparently couldn't think of any further questions.

"Why?"

Malik looked at him for a fraction of a second as if he were surprised, but then his professional face was back and he smiled friendly.

"Because we now have some information about your mental state, or how you have got into this condition."

Tomas nodded. After all, he now had some ideas why he could have cut his wrists. But that didn't contribute to his well-being.

"I don't know how to handle it", he murmured suddenly. "I really wish I didn't remember anything anymore."

"You can do it, and if you feel capable, Marcus Keane will have to answer for his actions."

This phrase hung in the room for a long time, even after Malik left. Tomas didn't know what he should think about it. Malik had spoken with so much hate in his voice, as if it was about himself. Tomas didn't even feel hatred for Marcus. He didn't know exactly what he felt, but certainly no that. Rather anxious, sad and drained. Whenever he spoke to Malik, he felt exhausted and tired afterwards. But that was probably because of the exhausting topics they always had. He couldn't explain otherwise.

There was one thing Tomas was still curious about. In the memory with the exorcism, he was bleeding like hell. He really wanted to know why. With trembling hands, he grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it. Just below his chest was an ugly, long scar. It looked as if a knife had been rammed into his upper abdomen and been pulled to the left. Tomas touched it lightly and was immediately drawn into another memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is he seeing now? \\(•o•)/


	8. How to get informations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hm...you really don't look dangerous", a female voice sounded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took a little longer this time. A lot was going on and I didn't had the nerves to write properly. But now here is the new chapter :)

The first thing Marcus felt when the fainting vanished was a stinging pain in his wrists. He opened his eyes with a little effort, trying to see where he was. But the darkness around him was to deep. Irritated he wanted to rub his eyes, but couldn't move his hands. What was going on? He tensed his arms, but he couldn't lift them. His brain, still tired from the narcosis, nevertheless began to analyze everything. It took a while, but then he realized why he couldn't move. He was sitting upright, so probably in a chair, because what he felt in his back didn't felt like a wall. They must have tied his hands and arms on the armrests. As it felt, with a strong rope...or maybe a bandage?

 _Feels familiar_ , Marcus thought bitterly and a shiver ran down his spine. _At least I can`t feel any cuts this time._

He knew immediately that he wasn't in a police station or prison. This asshole had locked him in some room in the asylum. He leaned his upper body slightly forward and a moment later his air was almost cut off completely. Only then he noticed that the same rope was wrapped around his neck.

 _Bastards_ , shot through his head and he tried again to look through the darkness. 

He was feeling no substance on his face, so they didn't had blindfold him. He felt no pain either, so they hadn't blinded him. It could only mean that the room, he was sitting in, simply was that pitch black. But what was their plan? Did they really think he was afraid in the dark? Marcus couldn't suppress a barking laugh. Oh, that would get really funny. Darkness was something he knew very well. Whether it was the darkness in the abysses of the soul, or the one that just surrounded him and seemed almost tangible. These demons would bite off their rotten teeth on him.

It probably took hours until finally something in the room changed. Hours in which some others would probably be desperate, but Marcus gained strength. He had also tested the strength of the ropes a few more times, in hopes of loosing them. The next moment the light flickered on and blinded him.

"Hm...you really don't look dangerous", a female voice sounded.

Marcus knew immediately who it was. The nurse who had brought him to this Bryar. He recognized her voice, though it touched his ears a little muffled.

"Looks can be deceiving", he growled, clenching his hands into fists. "Are you the same demon who also took possession of Bryar, or did you bastards join forces to make this building a breeding ground for demons? Insane people are easier to overpower, right?"

But she just laughed and came a little closer. Marcus looked at her with fiery eyes. She stopped in front of him and put a hand to his cheek. He tried to turn his head away, but failed. The rope, that was wrapped around his neck, prevented him from doing so. Disgusted, he bared his teeth and pulled at his shackles again.

"Thing is, you and your little love are the only patients here. But tell me, I can't believe you could mess up Pazuzu's plan in Chicago...After all, your god left you. Not only did you lose your church stance, no your faith too. So how did you do that?"

Marcus laughed barking. That was the problem with demons. They didn't understand the human body and theygave away informations to easily.

"I don't know the demon who took possession of Father Simon and I really don't care about that", he laughed. "You think that the human body can endure as much as you do, but the fact is that we human beings are very easy to kill. For the good Father Simon, an old nail from a crucifix was enough to slit his throat and kill him"

She looked at him in surprise, as if she hadn't really expected to receive an answer from him. But Marcus would do anything to distract her and possibly elicit some information from her. Besides, he had often noticed that demons reveal information when provoked. They were so conceited and always thought they are smarter than humans. But that wasn't the case, as he had repeatedly proven.

"You always take so much trouble to take possession of a human being, only to realize how fragile the body you have chosen is", Marcus laughed again. "But you have no choice, right? You have turned away from God and lost the power to act independently on Earth. You need _us_ to put your plans into action."

A clap sounded and at the same time a searing pain exploded in his cheek. Marcus felt that his head was torn aside by the blow, but at the same time held in place by the rope around his neck. A nasty cracking sounded and at first he really thought she had broken his neck. But that was, thank god, not the case. It just sounded like that.

"Humans are disgusting little parasites!", she growled and this time it was no human voice that sounded. "Why God has preferred you to us, I still don't understand. You are weak...A cough could kill you! We are so far above you, so why did you get the amenities of the earth?"

Marcus listened with a grin. He had heard that so often. Little children crying for a toy that they didn't get. But that's how he got information. He was sure that his grin was bloody, because he felt blood ran out of his mouth, but he paid no attention to it. One wound from many...It would heal, as always.

The demon was furious and just as Marcus thought he was finally about to hear the plan from it, the door opened behind it and Bryar came in.

"That's enough!", he thundered a fist against the wall beside him and Marcus saw the woman, who had just seemed so threatening, winced and pull in her tail. "Out!"

Head down, she passed Bryar and closed the door behind her. Bryar looked at Marcus from contemptuous eyes. He took a few steps toward him and finally grabbed him by the hair. With a growl, he pulled his head back until Marcus had trouble to breath. The rope was just too tight on his neck.

"Your silver tongue hasn't lost its effect", Bryar growled.

Marcus just grinned at him with bloodied teeth. That got him a punch in the stomach. Panting, he stiffened, but showed no other signs of pain.

"You will never be able to destroy the Church, even if you can infiltrate all levels."

Bryar laughed and shook his head. Marcus grin widened, he almost had him where he wanted him.

"You really think it's about the church, are you so naive?"

And right now he already gave the first information, followed by more.

"We've got your little priest lover and you! We'll wipe out the two men who are seriously dangerous for us and then we are getting the world! And the best thing about this plan is, that you will beg for your death, because you can't endure the pain anymore."

"You should check your informations", Marcus barked. "I'm not the one breaking because of pain!"

"Oh of course not", the demon-doctor laughed. "Mighty Marcus, always the one taking the blows for others and teasing people until they lose temper and hit you...Voices say you quite like it."

Marcus bared his teeth like a dog and was pulling on his shackles. It knew nothing about him and his behavier! Nothing!

"Oh, I don't know?", it laughed. "I know, for sure! I know you let yourself get hurt so no one has to feel the pain."

It turned his back to him and walked out of the room. But right before it closed the door, it looked at him again.

"And I know you think you deserve the pain, because you're worthless. Let me tell you one thing: You really are worthless! You can't even protect the one you love! You'll hear him scream in agony and you will not be able to do anything against it."

And right then Marcus lost his temper! Anger flooded through him, like water through a riverbed.

"If you bastard even think of hurting Tomas, I'll become your personal demon and let you suffer like you've never experienced before!"

"Great words coming from someone who can't move."

The next moment the door closed and Marcus sat again in complete darkness. It took a moment, but then his laugh echoed through the room.These demons were so simple-minded. Bryar had sent his assistant out of the room because she had almost given away their plan, only to do it himself.

They wanted to get rid of Tomas and him. Tomas undoubtedly because of his gift...Although he still didn't want to call it that. But why him? It was as the demon had said before. He had lost God's love and with it his skills as an exorcist. Marcus was sure that every exorcism he and Tomas had done, had been successful just because Tomas was there. God had chosen him for his gift and in the beginning Marcus had been angry about that. After all, it was he who sacrificed his whole life to God and his plan...He had been hurt so many times, in the name of god and from people against him, that he had stopped counting. It wasn't fair that god had chosen Tomas. But now he thought otherwise.

He had found a new purpose. Now it was his job to protect Tomas, no matter what the price would be. That had become clear to him, when he left Tomas alone after the incident on Nachburn Island. It had taken a few weeks to finally see it, but then it hit him like god had thrown it to his head! God had sent Tomas to him, because this beautiful man couldn't take care of himself alone. The situation with Andy had clearly shown that.

However, Marcus didn't shoot Andy because he wanted to protect Tomas...not only. It was more selfishness that made him do it. Tomas returned his feelings. He knew some details from his past life (not the really dark parts, Marcus didn't wanted to get pity looks every time) and stayed with him anyway. He forgave him his little outbursts, which Marcus himself hated so much because they reminded him of his father. Marcus just didn't want to live without him and that's why he pulled the trigger. Andy had to die because of his selfishness and that was the reason why he had to leave. He was willing to accept that he had shot someone, especially as the demon in Andy was so powerful that Marcus didn't think they could beat him. They had no chance! But Tomas hadn't understood...Maybe would never understand.

But Marcus could live with that knowing now. He had realized something, in the time he had spent without Tomas. He could live with one more lost soul ob his shoulders, but not without Tomas. It had been a torment to him, but it seemed Tomas had changed a lot in this time.

He was sure Tomas would have called if he had missed him. Or he would have tried differently to reach him. On the other hand, he had been traveling with Mouse and she wasn't a gentle teacher, Marcus could say that much by now. Compared to her, his methods were the gentlest in the world. She had used Tomas as the weapon he was now and Marcus hadn't dared to use properly. Maybe he had no time to contact him?

Marcus closed his eyes and tried to figure out a plan to get out of here and take Tomas with him. Because one thing was certain: If he would disappear from here, then only with his partner!

It wasn't long until the screaming started. Marcus could hear it as if Tomas was in the same room as he. It was unbearable! He must feel pure agony and Marcus couldn't help him. He pulled on his shackles and once he almost strangled himself, trying to loosen the rope around his neck.

He heard Tomas' begging someone to stop, and yet a short time later, his screams echoed through the asylum. Marcus thought he was going crazy. He knew they were trying to break him and there was a hint of hope that they didn't really torture Tomas...On the other hand they are demons. What was a human life in their eyes? Less then nothing!

He had to get rid of those shackles and help Tomas before it was too late for him!


	9. A Nightmare as black as the abyss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why didn't I pray once in all these days?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Faster this time, because I have to get this idea out of my head xD

_He was back again in a motel room, had they really traveled that much? His right leg and chest hurt like hell, but he couldn't move. Something laced up almost his entire air. He looked around the room in panic, but could only recognies that it had brown walls and that the shutters in front of the windows were closed._

_Suddenly the door of the room flew open and Marcus came in. He carried a brown bag and looked rushed. As he looked at Tomas, his eyes widened._

_"You're awake?", he mumbled in shock, almost dropping the bag._

_He quickly set it down on the second bed and rummaged around in it. An injection and a small glass vial, containing a transparent liquid, appeared in his hands. He pulled the liquid into the syringe and came over to Tomas._

_"M...Marcus", he whispered as he sat down next to him. "I don't want...I don't need that..."_

_"It'll make you feel better, believe me", he replied, stabbing the neadle into Tomas arm. "I wish I didn't have to do that, but I want to spare you the pain. I'm so sorry about all this, love."_

_"Don't..."_

_But then Tomas sight blurred and his field of vision darkened from the edges to the center more and more. The last thing he clearly saw was Marcus' hands laying on his chest and his own shirt, which had a strangely dirty red color. After that, he couldn't see and hear...or even think anything. He had completely blacked out_ and this tore him from his memory.

Breathing heavily, he lay on his bed and was staring up at the ceiling. So it really was true...All doubt was dispelled now. Marcus had given him drugs, this memory could mean nothing else. Tomas rubbed his face, with trembling hands, sat upright and tried to organize his thoughts.

Malik had suggested to bring Marcus to court, but Tomas wasn't sure he could. On the other hand, Malik would certainly help him, when he was ready for that step. However, Tomas seriously asked himself if the police would find Marcus. After all, he had kept well hidden the last months, even when Tomas was still with him. It was certainly not easy to hide, if you had a man with you, who was permanently drugged.

Besides, what proof did they have? Tomas' incomplete and confused memories and the blood test, but none of this was enough to prove that Marcus had abused him. They would need other evidence, but how should they find it?

A stinging pain in Tomas' head successfully prevented him from thinking any further. He lowered himself to a lying position and closed his eyes again. It wasn't long before he fell asleep. Something he had gotten used to by now. As soon as he lay down and started to relax, he fell asleep.

It had never been like that before. He had often spent half the night rolling around in his bed, with the quiet hope to finally finding some sleep. Here, in this house, sleep always seemed to come when it wanted. Tomas had no influence on it. It was really strange.

But even stranger was that he was dreaming. He couldn't remember the last time he'd dreamed, before he was waking up in this room. Maybe everything was related to the fact that he had no responsibility for anything here? Or it was because his body was slowly coming down from the drugs? But maybe his memory loss was due to that? He probably would never know the answer and the dreams would gradually cease, as they had slowly stopped so many years ago, when he grew up.

Again, the dream wasn't long in coming. But it was different from the others before.

_Tomas saw himself lying on the ground, bleeding from his head and a woman standing over him, holding a bloody hammer in her hand._

_Then the picture changed and he saw a girl lying in a bed. She looked incredibly ill, her eyes were sunken in and her lips were chapped. Her skin was so pale it looked almost like parchment. He wanted to put a hand on her forehead, but right in that second she turned aside and vomited. Tomas saw black slime dripping out of her mouth and took a startled step backwards. When he looked at her again, the girl had become a woman he didn't know, but which nevertheless seemed strangely familiar to him._

_Ceaseless black slime still poured from her mouth, like a narrow stream trying to replenish a dry lake. Terrified, Tomas stared at her. Only when the slime had already reached his ankles, he could break away from the sight and searched for a door. To his right he could discover one. The slime was now in half of his lower legs and when he reached the door, it was over his knees._

_He pulled and pushed against the door, but it didn't move an inch. Behind him he heared the gurgling laugh of the woman, which sent an icy shiver down his spine. He hammered on the door and called for help, but no one came. He begged that it should stop, but the slime continued to climb up, soon covering his hips, his stomach, and finally his chest._

_He couldn't breathe properly anymore and couldn't move. Finally, he stretched his neck as best he could, so the slime wouldn't touch his face, and although the woman had already been swallowed by the black mass, he still heard her laugh. Tears ran down his cheeks as the slime reached his chin and finally his mouth. He pressed his lips together as hard as he could and yet the black stuff found its way into his mouth and ran down his throat. He choked, but that only made him swallow the slime. It felt like it was burning him from the inside out and when it also got into his nose, Tomas knew he was going to die. He would drown in that black slime. His air supply was immediately cut off. His lungs burned when they could no longer fill themselves with the required oxygen, but only with that black slime._

_Then it reached his eyes and Tomas felt as if it was pushing past his eyeballs and into his head. Never, in his entire life, had he felt anything so disgusting and painful at the same time. He opened his mouth in a silent scream and knew, at the same moment, that this was a mistake._

_The slime could fill his body only faster and flooded him, because he couldn't close his mouth anymore. It was held open by the black substance. He knew right then that he was dying and felt every second of his agony, as if it was an hour before everything blackened around him and he felt nothing._

With a scream Tomas was torn from his sleep and jumped out of the bed. He still felt the slime stick to his body, as if it had really filled the room. Struggling for breath, he stumbled to the door and pulled it open. He had to get out and get some fresh air...out of the house, which could be flooded with black slime at every moment.

He rushed into the dark corridor outside his room and ran down to his left until he didn't get any further because it ended. On his way he passed innumerable doors, all of them closed. Instinctively, he turned left again and ran. More doors and rooms in which it was deathly quiet. Then he passed a room whose door was also closed, but in which a man screamed. The voice sounded strangely familiar.

"Leave him alone! Take me, take me, not him! I deserve the pain, not he! Please! Please, let him go!"

Tomas paused for a moment, trying to open the door and see what was happening in there, but then he felt again as if the darkness around him were thickening like slime and he kept running.

How long Tomas had run, he didn't know. But finally he found the front door and pushed it open with his last strength. He stumbled out into the garden and dropped to his knees. Tears ran down his cheeks as he raised his head and looked at the white full moon, the light of it dipped the entire garden into a ghostly gray.

The light seemed to touch his face, like a hand cupping his cheek to comfort him and for the first time, since he had awakened in the room of the asylum, Tomas began to pray.

_Why didn't I pray once in all these days?_

He stayed on his knees, his face turned to the sky and prayed, until the material of his pants had soaked up the wetness of the grass. Even when the cold crept into his limbs, he didn't move. For the first time since he woke up, he could breathe freely. It was as if a weight had disappeared from his chest and his mind began to become clearer with every passing minute.

Tomas wondered why he hadn't left the building earlier, why he had never asked if he could go out into the garden he could see from the common room. Why had he never felt the need to breathe fresh air? Why had his room been holding him as if there were a spell?

" _Tomas_?", a woman's voice tore him out of his thoughts. "Is it really you?"

He looked at the tree to his right, where the voice came from and realized that a woman stepped out of the shadows. Surprise and concern were reflected on her face, which Tomas could only recognize thanks to the moonlight.

"Are you alright, have they done something to you? Tomas, talk to me", she said and was coming closer.

Tomas jumped to his feet and backed away from her. How did she know his name and why was she in this garden at the middle of the night? Was she also a patient or did she want to break into the Sanatorium? No matter what the reason for her coming was, he certainly wouldn't simply trust her.

"Where's Marcus?", she wanted to know and when she saw his scared look, she ran to him, grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him. "Did...Didn't he make it? Is he in danger? Tomas! Is he hurt?"

Tomas broke away from her and stared at her again. She knew Marcus...and what was worse, according to her question, he was here, in the Sanatorium! Surely he wanted to get him, so that no one came after him. He had to go to Malik and tell him before it was too late. Maybe he wasn't the only one in danger, but all the other patients as well. After all he knew about Marcus, he really thought he would do anything to escape the police.

The woman cocked her head and looked thoughtfully at Tomas. Then an expression came to her face that Tomas couldn't interpret. Her whole body relaxed and she took an attitude that obviously wasn't supposed to be threatening.

"Do you even _recognize_ me?", she asked, now in a calm tone.

Tomas looked at her in confusion. How was he supposed to recognize her when it was likely that he had been drugged when he met her.

"You don't know who I am", that was a statement, not a question. "Do you remember anything that happened in the last few months?"

He shook his head, surprised at himself for answering her. She sighed as if she was annoyed and shook her head.

"Oh for fucks sake", she cursed, then she turned away and disappeared, without another word, in the darkness of the night.

Tomas looked after her all the more confused. What had been the reason for her coming if she didn't took him with her? After all, she knew Marcus. So it would only be logical if the two would try to kidnap him, right? But maybe Marcus wanted to do that himself and she had just scouted out the situation? He would certainly find out soon.

"Tomas!"

For the second time that night, he was startled by a woman's voice. This time, however, it was the nurse who was looking after him all the time. She came running to him and put an arm around his shoulders.

"What are you doing out here?", she asked worried and brought him back into the building.

"I...I had a nightmare...I had to get out", Tomas tried to explain. "I felt like the walls were crushing me...And I have to talk to Professor Malik! It's important! I have to..."

She shushed him and smiled knowingly.

"Nightmares can be really bad, I know. I'll give you something that will calm you down, as soon as we got you back to your room."

She led him past the many rooms, including the one from which the screams had come. Tomas stopped abruptly and stared at the door.

"What is it?", the nurse wanted to know and looked at him confused and worried.

"I heard someone screaming earlier...in this room", he murmured, laying a hand on the door handle.

"You must have imagined it. This room is empty."

She put a hand over his and pulled him away. Then she put an arm around his shoulders again and led him on. Tomas thought he could hear a whimpering behind the door, despite her words. But maybe he really just imagined it?


	10. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why are you here...How...How did you find me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry you had to wait again 😅

The screams didn't stop and where Marcus had been so confident in victory before, he had only one thought now.

_Please, please don't let him suffer any longer. God, please! I take every torment on me, face every punishment, but please release him from his suffering!_

He knew that demons could influence the time. They could make a second pass so slowly that it felt like an hour and an hour elapse as fast as a second. But he didn't care. He could be trapped in this room for weeks, he didn't care. He would stay there for years, he would stay forever, if that meant Tomas was free.

The nurse often came by to humiliate him. She told him exactly what they were doing with Tomas. How they tormented him. They broke his fingers and slit his face open. At first, Marcus didn't believe her. She could tell a lot, as long as he didn't see it, he wouldn't believe a word. But that attitude had changed. The screams sounded far too real to be just a figment of the imagination.

Sometimes he lost control of himself and then he screamed into the darkness. Often he only screamed, then he cursed these bastards...At some point he begged them to leave Tomas alone. But never for his own death.

Bryar came into the room from time to time and turned on the light, just _to see how he was doing._

"Oh Marcus you look so amazingly lost and beaten. I can't wait for they moment you break", he purred all so often.

Marcus paid no attention to him. He stared at the floor and waited for the burning light to go out again.

At some point, a thought came to him, which made him even more worried. What about Mouse? He hoped that she had been smart enough not to follow him. As it was the case right now, she was his and Tomas only chance to get out there. Marcus prayed that she would smarter than he was and didn't let herself be fooled.

In general, he prayed almost permanently. He had never prayed so long in his life. He prayed for Tomas, that his suffering would end and he would be released and he also prayed to see him just one more time. He wanted to tell him at least that he still loved him and that it had been a huge mistake to leave him. He wanted to tell him that none of this was his fault and that he didn't deserve it!

In the moments when he didn't pray and Tomas' screams and whimpers didn't ring in his ears, Marcus tried to distract himself. He couldn't lose himself in despair, otherwise the demons would have won.

He thought of the days they had spent together, the good days in the light. Where they had been able to sleep in and had a good breakfast. Days when they could be lazy. He remembered how much he loved Tomas and what he owed him. Tomas had given him so much, even before they had become lovers.

He remembered how he always used to listen to music to scare off the loneliness. But then he didn't needed the music anymore. Tomas chased away the loneliness, as they chased the demons thogther. Even though they didn't always talk to each other, they knew that the other one was always there to scare away dark thoughts.

Marcus often thought of their first kiss. The many, even contradictory, thoughts and feelings that had crossed his mind, when Tomas' lips touched his. He still knew it as if it had happened just a few moments ago. His body had screamed for more, but his mind wanted to forbid it. He couldn't love, he was too bitter for that...alone for far too long. Besides, his old mentor had reprimanded him in an unbearable way. As a man to love men was against God's will. It was a sin...For him one of many, for Tomas probably the biggest which he would commit and yet ...

  
_He didn't stop him, when Tomas pushed him against the wall of the small motel room, only half an hour after a successful exorcism. Tomas didn't look at him sympathetically, on the contrary. His eyes sparkled with months of pent-up anger._

_"_ Why? _", he had hissed as he grabbed Marcus by the front of his shirt._

_"What", Marcus asked, his voice sounding as treating, as if he was talking to a demon._

_"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you keep it for yourself?"_

_It didn't happened often, that Tomas lost his temper, but this afternoon it happened. His fist crashed into the wall, just inches away from Marcus' head. He winced just slightly, but Tomas saw it. When Marcus looked him in the eyes again, the sparkle had changed a bit. Not only rage hit him now, but also disappointment and Tomas was far from finished._

_"Why did I have to hear it from a drooling, piss-stinking demon?"_

_"I...because...", he couldn't think for the right words and that didn't happened very often._

_Tomas took his fist off the wall and Marcus jerked back from him, as if expecting a blow. He wouldn't have stopped him, he deserved to be beaten. But that was the moment in which realization came into Tomas eyes. The realization of what he was doing here. In Marcus' face, behind the facade of the old, hard loner, he could see fear, Marcus knew it exactly. Tomas had learned to look behind his walls. Tomas felt sorry for a moment, but then the anger returned._

_"Are you so ashamed of your feelings?", he growled, coming closer to Marcus' face._

_He couldn't look at him. His eyes were turned to the ground and his cheeks were red. Yes, yes, he was ashamed. He was ashamed that he desired Tomas, that he dreamed of him, that...that he used his image to satisfy his cravings in the shower. But most of all, he was ashamed of having taken this radiant angel with him, idly watching as the demons ripped one feather after another from its magnificent white wings and left him bleeding on the floor._

_"Marcus?"_

_Tomas voice made him look up again. Its sound had changed. He was no longer angry, but sounded worried._

_"I didn't want to..."_

_Only when Tomas put a hand to his cheek, Marcus noticed that tears ran down it. Quickly he pushed Tomas' hand aside and wiped his face with the sleeve of his pullover. Why was he crying right now?_

_"I'm sorry, Marcus", Tomas said, his hand back on his cheek. "I...I was just so angry. After all this time, I have to learn from a demon how you feel about me...I just don't understand why you still don't trust me."_

_That hit Marcus harder than expected. His chest tightened painfully, as he saw Tomas' sad and still slightly disappointed look._

_"I trust you", he had whispered. "God, Tomas, I trust you more than any other human...but I do not trust myself."_

_"How do you mean that?"_

_"I...those feelings...it is a sin. I'll be punished for it, maybe I am already...But you're not affected by it...I didn't told you how I feel, because I don't want to burden you with it...because I don't want to be alone again."_

_He pushed past Tomas and walked to the only window in the room. He had his arms wrapped around his upper body, as if he wanted to hold everything there in place. In fact, he felt as if he had to hold his heart in his chest. It was beating wildly, like never before, of fear that he would be alone in a few moments. But then he felt how Tomas stepped behind him. His friend wasn't too close to him, but not too far away either._

_"Why should you be alone, I am here and I have no intention of leaving you", he said, placing a hand on his shoulder._

_"Don't talk nonsense!", Marcus growled, feeling tears in his eyes again. "You have no obligation to me, you can go where you want."_

_Marcus hung his shoulders and clawed his hands in his sides, so Tomas wouldn't see how much he was trembling. He didn't want him to look at him the same way the priests had, after they found out that he was gay._

_"I can't bear to see disgust in your eyes, when you look at me", he added softly._

_"I think I have to make something clear", Tomas muttered._

_Then his hand was suddenly no longer on Marcus' shoulder, but on his upper arm. Marcus sensed that he had come closer to him and instantly stiffened. Finally, Tomas wrapped his arm around Marcus chest and gently pressed himself against his back._

_"What are you doing?", Marcus whispered in a strangled voice._

_"If you get punished because you love men, then I'll probably have to be punished too," Tomas replied._

_He released Marcus' right hand from his sweater and crossed their fingers together. Then he put their hands over Marcus' heart. For a moment they stood there and Marcus felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. But then he found the strength to turn around and look Tomas in the eye._

_"But you can't..."_

_"What?", Tomas interrupted. "What can't I? I can't love you? Too late, dear, because I already do."_

_Then Tomas stretched a bit and even before Marcus could think about an objection, their lips met. First he wanted to resist, to knock Tomas off...but he couldn't. His thoughts were a jumble of contradictions. He was happy, wanted more and yet he couldn't let it happen. He wasn't allowed to pull Tomas in his abyss, but that's exactly what he wanted. Tomas put his hand on his neck, to pull him a little closer and that broke Marcus' resistance. His head screamed at him not to do it, but for the first time he listened to the whisper of his heart. He returned the kiss timidly and felt Tomas smile._

_"I love you", whispered Tomas on Marcus' lips and that drove tears in his eyes again. "I love you."_

_"But I...", Marcus sobbed, but Tomas interrupted him again._

_"I love you, and nothing, neither your words, nor the demons' illusions, will change that."_

_Marcus looked at him with tearful eyes. He couldn't believe hearing those words after such a long time._

  
Even now, in the dark room, Marcus' tears ran down his cheeks. He never thought he would hear those words, not in real life. Demons had often told him, to seduce him, to pull him to their side, but he had never believed them.

When Tomas had said it to him, his voice so gentle and his eyes so full of love, Marcus had sworn never to hurt him. He had sworn to always take care of Tomas and never let anything happen to him.

"I'm sorry", he whispered in a harsh, strangled voice and then screamed until his voice broke.

In one corner of the dark room stood Bryar, grinning to himself. It gave him the greatest pleasure to see how the great Marcus Keane was suffering. Once they had been so afraid of this man, but now he was no longer any danger. God had abandoned him and they took from him the man he loved most. He was broken, even though he didn't want to admit it to himself. Soon he would be to broken and then one of his brothers was already waiting to take over Marcus' body.

With a triumphant grin on his face he condensed the blackness around Marcus even more and then left the room.

Marcus felt as if the darkness was crushing him. It seemed to him that it had a substance and he could grab it, if only he could get his hands free.

Just when he thought he was really losing his mind, because he started to see things hiding in the dark, a blinding light dazzled him and pulled him out of his thoughts. Marcus narrowed his eyes tightly and moaned painfully as the light was stinging in his eyes. Immediately his whole body was tense and ready to defend himself anyway.

The last time Bryar or the nurse came to him, they had always tried to get into his thoughts. They had sent him illusions. Tomas, who freed him or tried to seduce him. Tomas kissing him as if there was no tomorrow and Marcus knew that he wouldn't experience tomorrow if he surrendered to him. Many had already tried to break his will this way, but as always something was wrong with the illusion of the demons. These beings knew no love, no affection, only hatred and disgust. So it was no wonder that they could never make Tomas' eyes look the way they really were - full of love, warm and gentle, that's how he sees the world around him. The demons didn't understand it and that was what destroyed their illusions.

"What else do you want?", Marcus finally growled, clenching his hands into fists. "Will you finally come to an end? Didn't workef out, your great plan, right?...Didn't begged for you to kill me and I'm not going to start with it!"

"You don't have to, either," a familiar voice sounded.

" _Mouse?_ "

Marcus tried to open his eyes and look at her, to make sure she was real. But the light was too bright for his eyes, he just couldn't keep them open. His instinct told him that he shouldn't trust the voice. To be locked up for days in a completely dark room, without eating anything and little to drink, caused hallucinations, he knew that very well. His mentor had punished him so often, especially after learning that Marcus was gay. One started to imagine things, people and any other appearance...it was like going crazy.

"What did they do to you?", Mouse' voice sounded. "How did they catch you?"

Marcus didn't answer. If it was a delusion of his thoughts, then he didn't have to answer and if Mouse was really there, that situation was just too embarrassing. He had been in worse situations, but he hadn't stinked of his own piss, like now and Mouse never saw him like this.

"It's really me, Marcus", he heard Mouse say annoyed. "I don't know how to prove it to you...but it really is me."

He felt her hands on his arms and tried again to open his eyes. This time it even worked. Mouse knelt beside the chair and cut through the cuffs with which Marcus had been tied to the armrests. She wasn't looking like she was disgusted by his current appearance.

"What did they do to you?", she wanted to know again and Marcus recognized worrieness in her face.

"Why?", it was the first thing he really said to her, but just because he couldn't look down his Body.

"Because you're covered in blood everywhere...your entire upper body is covered in cuts."

Marcus looked at her in confusion. When did they cut him? He didn't know. Maybe when he fainted, or in the moments Marcus couldn't remember. There are really some of them and he wasn't going to think about them. He really didn't wanted to know what they had done to him in those moments. But the question he wanted an answer about was, why did they cut him?

"To weaken you. Come on", he heard Mouse answer it and looked at her, confused again. "You asked aloud."

"I have?"

She nodded and grabbed him by the arms, to help him to his feet. A groan came over his lips, as his legs had to carry his weight and he had to hold on to the chair so as not to fall. It took a few minutes for him to stand upright and then he looked gratefully at Mouse.

"How did you get in here?", he asked, taking a few steps away from the chair.

"The demons don't think much of safety, I could just walk in. Finding you was not difficult... Why did you scream, did they torture you?"

Marcus shook his head.

"Not me, but Tomas, ever since I woke up here...We have to find him."

He ran to the door and out into the hallway. Whether Mouse and the whole situation wasn't just a hallucination of the demons, he couldn't say. But he didn't care, he hoped that it wasn't so and he would free Tomas anyway.

"I saw him last night and he didn't looked like he was tortured by anyone!", Mouse called after him, but Marcus didn't listen to her. "Marcus, wait, you should know something about Tomas' condition."

She grabbed him by the arm and made him stop. He glared at her and broke away. Marcus didn't want to hear about Tomas, just wanted to find him as soon as possible! Later they had time to talk, not now.

"You can still tell me, after we have him. I will not let him stay in the claws of these demons for a second longer."

And already he stormed down the hall, past countless doors, all of which were open. The whole building looked like an abandoned asylum. At some point he heard Mouse calling behind him, that they had been discovered, and it only made his steps faster. He shouted to her to distract the demons, to mislead them so that he would have time to find and rescue Tomas. Then he heared her steps move away. She would lure these bastards out and that gave him time. Nevertheless, he had to hurry. Mouse couldn't distract them forever and risking her life, to get Tomas back was not fair!

At the first door, which was closed, he stopped and listened. He could hear footsteps and that was enough to know Tomas was trapped behind it. After all, the demons had revealed to him, that he and Tomas were the only people in the building.

He kicked the door open without even testing if it was locked. They didn't have much time. Quickly, Marcus looked around the room and saw Tomas, who was sitting on a bed, staring at the wall. When their eyes met, Tomas jumped up and looked at him startled. He really didn't looked like he was tortured.

" _Tomas_ , thank god! I finally found you!", cheered Marcus and closed the door behind him.

"Why are you here...How...How did you find me?", Tomas exhealed slightly scared.

"I'll tell you as soon as we are save. Come on, we have to go."

"I'm...I'm not going with you...I...I"

Tomas backed away from him, until he stood with his back to the wall.

"What are you talking about? We have to go! _They_ are coming!"

Tomas shook his head, his eyes got wide when he saw Marcus was walking towards him. He wanted to flee, but didn't had the time. Marcus stood infront of him within seconds. He grabbed his arms and looked him in the eyes. Tomas thought that he looked very worried, but why?

"It will be okay, love, as soon as we get you out of here", he wispered, laying a hand on Tomas cheek. "What did they do to you?"

Finally Tomas got the courage to speak against him. He managed to free himself from Marcus' grip and pushed him away.

"They did nothing!", he yelled, loosing his temper. "You did! They helped me! You drugged me, to control me...You made me believe that demons are living creatures and you made me believe that I love you, just to satisfy your perverted desire! I hate you!"

Marcus stood there as if he was struck by lightning and stared at Tomas. Was that what they made him believe? For a moment, he felt as if his heart had been torn from his chest and stepped on, while still attached to his body. He shook his head in disbelief.

"How did they make you believe that?", he whispered, tears already filling his eyes.

"I saw it! I remembered it! I remembered how you injected me something! Go away!"

"That was only because...", Marcus stopped, it was a losing battle to want to convince Tomas of something now.

Tomas looked as if he wanted to beat Marcus. He wouldn't stop him...maybe he would wake up from this nightmare if he was punshed. Instead, Tomas backed away again and put as much space between them as he could.

Marcus took a deep breath and went after his friend. Tomas watched him with unbridled fear in his eyes.

"I know this will not help the situation and I'm really sorry, Tomas, but it's only for your best," Marcus said in a more than serious voice.

The next moment he clenched his hand into a fist and thundered it against Tomas' temple. He could see the eyes of his friend, as he twisted them in agony and a lonely tear ran down Marcus' cheek, as Tomas lost his consciousness. He didn't want to hurt Tomas, but that was the only way to get him out of this place. He picked Tomas up and ran to the door, which Mouse had just opened.

"What happened?", she wanted to know, with a worried glance at Tomas.

"I had to knock him out...Let's go, we don't have time for explanations."

They ran to the entrance and out into the garden. It was night and Marcus was glad that it was. So there wouldn't be many people who could see them. Mouse led him to a car Marcus didn't know. He sat himself and Tomas in the back seat and Mouse drove through the city and out of it.

"Where are we going?", Marcus wanted to know at some point.

He felt tired and fed up with everything. The last days and now the rushed escape demanded their tribute. Nevertheless his left hand was laying on Tomas head and he was stroking his hair as if to comfort him. His other hand he placed over his heart.

"I found an old cabin in the forest nearby, where we can stay for a few days", Mouse answered. "Marcus, what if Tomas..."

"He will be alright. The demons don't have any power over him anymore. He will be alright...", he said and added with a wisper: "He must be alright."


	11. Destroyed Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do it", Marcus murmured...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!   
> It's been a while...I'm sooo sorry! 🙈 But I really wanted this to be good chapter and don't rush anything. The finished chapter you can read now, is the thirteenth version of it (Because I always found something what I didn't liked or thought I could write better) xD   
> I really hope there is still someone reading this 🙈

A moan came over Tomas' lips when he woke up. His head felt like someone had tried to smash it with a hammer. It took him a while, before he managed to keep his eyes open. Confused, he looked around the room in which he was laying. It looked like the bedroom of a hunting hut. The walls were made of logs and there was only a small window, which was boarded up from the outside. The dim lamp on the ceiling dipped the room into an unreal twilight.

"Which memory is this?", Tomas muttered, straightening up.

He looked down and realized that he was still wearing the clothes he had received from Bryar. White pants and a white shirt. That had never happened before, when he started to remember something. Tomas rubbed his eyes, then he looked at the bandages on his arms. There were no longer white bandages, but brown ones, and they didn't look as professional as those the sisters had always put on. Frowning, he sat down at the edge of the bed and had to close his eyes for a moment, until the room stopped spinning. Something was wrong. This was a completely new kind of memory...maybe a hallucination again?

Tomas pushed himself up from the bed and stumbled over to the door. He pulled on the door handle, but nothing happened. A slight panic spread through him and he pulled on the handle until he thought he was tearing it down. But the door didn't move, it was locked. He was locked up in a room he had never seen before and he couldn't do anything about it. The heavy wooden door didn't even tremble when he kicked against it. He took a deep breath and went back to the bed. Carefully he lowered himself to it and buried his face in his hands. What was going on?

He tried hard to remember, and in fact a few things came to his mind. He had been in a room at the Sanatorium, reading late at night. Then he heard something from the hallway. He sat on the edge of the bed and listened intently. He went to the door, opened it and looked out. But nothing was to be seen or heared. Just when he wanted to lie down again, there was...

"Marcus", he mumbled in shock, as he remembered who had entered his room.

He also remembered that Marcus had beaten him unconscious. Probably to kidnap him and it seemed like his plan had succeeded. The panic crept back into his body and he already felt how he started to shake. What did Marcus intend to do with him, now that he was no longer under the influence of the drugs? Did he want to bring him back under his control...Or did he kidnap him to get a witness out of the way? Tomas jumped up from the bed again and headed for the door. This time he pulled much harder, but nothing happened, it remained locked. Then he went over to the window and wanted to open it. But even at the window was a lock attached, in addition to the boards. Tomas turned around and searched for something he could use to hit the window, but found nothing. He didn't think much longer and rammed his elbow against the glass. There was a cracking sound and when he hit his elbow against it once more, it broke. Carefully Tomas removed the shards and splinters, so he could hit the boards without the risk of hurting himself. But it was no difference to the door. The boards didn't move a bit, no matter how hard he hit them.

Tomas sank to the ground, with tears in his eyes, desperately trying not to cry. But it didn't work. The tears kept pouring down his cheeks and he couldn't suppress his sobs.

After a while his eyes fell on his arms again and he wondered if such a situation had ever happened before. Maybe he'd finally woken up from his drug trip and was trapped, like now. Certainly, after a while, the broken glass looked very tempting and he saw it as the only way out. Maybe that was why he had slashed his arms. But this time it wouldn't happen! With a furious growl, Tomas reached for a long piece of broken glass and stood next to the door. He had hurt himself last time, this time he would hurt Marcus and then disappear as fast as possible.

 

Marcus stood in the small bathroom of the hut and stared at his upper body through the mirror. Mouse hadn't exaggerated. His entire chest was covered with cuts. Some only superficial, but some were really deep. It had taken a few moments, but then Marcus recognized a pattern in it. The cuts formed a word. He glared at his chest with an angry look.

"Fagot", he mumbled, clenching his teeth.

He knew the cuts would become scars. Every cut, every scratch on his skin became a scar. Always...He had hurt himself often enough to be sure of it. So they didn't just cut him because they wanted to weaken him. No, they wanted to disfigure him forever. But Marcus would wreck it.

Now the wounds were fresh and new cuts would get the same scar structure, which means they would also have the same light color. He could cover the word with new cuts and make it unrecognizable. That's why he reached for his razorblade. He hesitated for a moment, staring at the sharp blade. Years ago, Marcus had sworn to never hurt himself again. But he couldn't endure this word on his skin forever. So he put the knife to his skin and pulled it over his chest. A burning pain followed and he saw blood gathering on the fresh wound. But he didn't stop. Again and again he drew the knife, criss-crossing the cuts, until there was no sign of the word. Of course he would know what the demons carved into his skin, but no one else would. He could easily disguise it as torture, and no one would ask questions.

When he was done, he cleaned the wounds with cold water and put on a makeshift bandage. Mouse would have helped him, he was sure. But she would also ask questions of the kind he didn't want to answer right now. In fact, he hadn't spoken to Mouse since they arrived in the small hut yesterday morning. Partly because he slept all day and Mouse was sleeping right now, having previously had an eye on the environment. She wanted to make sure that no one had followed them. So they had wordlessly alternated in the evening and Marcus couldn't shake the feeling, that she was angry with him. She probably had every reason to. Still, he had other worries now. He had to look after Tomas and find out if he could undo the brainwashing of the demons.

With careful movements, he put his old, washed-out pullover back on and left the bathroom. On the one hand, he hoped that Tomas had now woken up, on the other hand, he was afraid of the confrontation with him. He didn't know exactly what the demons had told him, but his words in the sanatorium didn't make it hard to guess, at least part of it. He had to be careful with him, otherwise Tomas might never believe him.

He walked slowly to the room where they had locked Tomas up. They had locked the door, the window of the room had been barricaded beforehand. Marcus didn't want to know the reason why...However, he was glad that someone had taken this job from him. When he reached the door he paused for a moment and put his ear to the wood. There was no sound from inside, so he guessed Tomas was still asleep. Had he really hit him so hard? That wasn't his intention! Marcus took another deep breath, then pulled back the latch on the door and entered the room.

He immediately noticed something: Tomas' bed was empty! His body tensed automatically and his eyes darted to the window. Was it still barricaded? Yes, it was still intact. However, the windowpane as broken. That meant Tomas had to be in the room and as Marcus knew him, he would defend himself by all means against him. Just as Marcus wanted to turn around, a scream came from behind him and he was torn off his feet.

His head hit the ground and he felt his skin burst over his left eye. Then a stabbing pain spread in his right shoulder, that brought tears to his eyes. He was thrown on his back and looked into the angry and determined face of Tomas, who was kneeling over him. In his hand he held a bloody piece of broken glass, which he now pressed against Marcus' throat.

"Do it", Marcus murmured, making no effort to fight back, even though it would have been easy to throw Tomas off and turn the tables. "Come on...I won't stop you, do it!"

His words made his counterpart hesitate. He could see confusion in Tomas' eyes and started to laugh. Usually he was threatened by demons and then he had no problem to disarm them and tying the people the bed. But if he did that to Tomas, it would make the whole situation worse. He couldn't allowed this to happen.

"If they could get you to kill me, then the brainwashing is worse than I thought."

"Nobody brainwashed me, no one except you!", snarled Tomas, pressing the shard tighter against his skin.

"If you believe that one hundred percent, kill me, because then I have no reason to live any longer...", with that, Marcus closed his eyes and put his head back.

He offered Tomas his throat and he didn't care what he would do. He couldn't and wouldn't live with the knowledge that Tomas hated him! He almost expected him to slit his throat. But that didn't happen.

"Why don't you fight back?", Tomas asked suspiciously and Marcus had to laugh again.

"Why should I? The person I trust most in my entire life is just trying to kill me...Could only have a good reason for that, even though these demons told him lies..."

"There are no demons!"

"Oh no?", growled Marcus. "If there are none, what do you think, who inflicted these wounds on you?"

Marcus grabbed Tomas' wrists and twisted his arms so he could see his forearms. Did Tomas really think he had hurt himself? He should have known it better. It was a sin to commit suicide and no matter how many sins they had committed together, Tomas would never commit that one.

"That was your fault!", shouted Tomas, pulling away from Marcus' grip to push the glass shard back against his throat. "You drugged me, you made me believe that demons are real just so I would help you torture people...And you raped me..."

At that moment, Marcus started to move. It was enough! Tomas could blamed him for a lot, but that went too far! Marcus threw himself against Tomas and ignored the slight cut on his throat, which he got from his movement. In a flash, he had thrown Tomas off of him and now held him to the ground. His eyes flickered to Tomas' hand, which was bleeding. The shard of glass was laying about an arm's length away from them. He had cut himself when Marcus threw him around. Then Marcus' eyes fixed on Tomas'. He lay rigid under him and looked up at him anxiously, but that didn't stopped Marcus' anger, which made its way out the next moment.

"You can accuse me of anything, anything you want!", he almost shouted. "But not that I raped you, I would never do that! Never! I...I know what it's like to be abused...That's something I don't even wish to my worst enemy!"

Tears gathered in his eyes. He had never told Tomas and never intended to! That was something he could handle on his own...had to get along with it by his own. Everyone would blame it for his sexual orientation. A childhood trauma that he had never been overcome. He had heard those words before. A mother had screamed them at her son, after Marcus drove the demon out of the body of the eighteen-year-old. The boy had been abused by his father and the demon had nothing better to do, than tell his mother that the kid was gay. That's why Marcus never told anyone. Everyone would think it was a consequence of the abuse. Tomas would have only coddled him and always asked if everything was alright.

On the one hand, it surely would annoy Marcus that he would be constantly worried about him. On the other hand, it would have been nice, if someone had finally taken care of him. If only he could have told someone without being convicted. But now...now Tomas accused him of raping him! He...would never...

The tears ran down his cheeks and dripped on Tomas' face. He stared up at him, confused and almost compassionate. Marcus only bared his teeth and let go of his counterpart. He jumped to his feet and turned to the door.

"Say never again, that I would have done such a horrible thing", he mumbled, his voice tearful and broken. "I'd rather kill myself..."

With that he left the room and went to the kitchen. He hadn't locked the door again. At that moment, he didn't care if Tomas would leave. He didn't care about anything, if Tomas thought he had raped him. That was something that no one could ever forgive. If he had any chance to get the priest, who abused him as a kid, he would take it. He would let him die very slowly and painfully. Tomas was convinced that he had raped him and he would never forgive him for that.

Marcus slumped down on a chair at the kitchen table and buried his face in his hands. He cried silently, only now and then a sob came over his lips. Again and again he wiped the tears from his cheeks and his nose with the back of his hand. The dream of living with Tomas was beautiful, but now it was over...it was a destroyed dream, like so many more. How could he prove to Tomas, that the doctors were possessed by demons and had lied to him?

"How am I supposed to...how can I prove to him, that I didn't harmed him?", he whispered between sobs.

 

Tomas felt his heart hammer against his chest. He had expected everything, when Marcus came to this room, but not that. Not that he wouldn't fight back and certainly not that he started crying. Confused, he stared at the ceiling and tried to understand what had happened. Slowly he sat up and just then he felt the cut on his hand. He searched for something to press to the wound, but he found nothing. So he simply crumpled the hem of his shirt and closed his fist around it to stop the bleeding. Then his eyes fell on the door and he jumped up. The door wasn't closed! It was open a crack! He could escape, he could get out of here! Away Marcus and away from the Sanatorium. He could go home, finally see his sister and his nephew again!

Tomas slammed the door open and ran down the hall. He could already see the front door when a sound made him stop. A moment later it sounded again - a sob. He looked to the front door and then to the room where the sobs came from. His liberty was within reach, he just had to keep going. Reach the front door, open it and then go out. He would come home and forget everything. But he couldn't go on. Something stopped him. A feeling told him it was wrong to just go...wrong to ignore this sobs. Sighing, he closed his eyes and shook his head. He had lost his mind! Otherwise he couldn't explain why he turned away from the door and went back.

Carefully he looked into the room where the sobs came from and realized that it was the kitchen of the house. Marcus sat at the table. He had put his face in his hands and cried. A sting shot through his chest and he couldn't understand why. Why did it hurt him to see the man cry, who kidnapped and abused him?... Did he abuse him? Would someone react the way Marcus reacted, if he was guilty?

"Tomas? What are you doing here?", suddenly a female voice sounded.

Tomas spun around and stared into the face of the woman he had seen in the garden of the Sanatorium. So she really belonged to Marcus. It was all more than strange. The suicide thing, the memories and hallucinations and Marcus' reaction to his reproach...that this woman was here. It didn't fit together and now, to make everything worse, he got a headache as well.

"I...I wanted", Tomas stammered, pressing a hand against his forehead. "He has..."

Suddenly he felt dizzy and had to lean against the wall. He turned away from the woman and at the next moment Marcus' face appeared in front of him. His eyes were red from crying and yet he looked at him worriedly.

"Tomas, what's wrong?"

It seemed to Tomas as if the room was spinning and then suddenly he heard a ringing, knowing that only he could hear it. Red dots began to dance in front of his field of vision. Something was wrong! The pain in his head became worse, almost unbearable and he wanted nothing more than to make it stop.

"Tomas? Tomas!", Marcus' voice faded away and a moment later everything went black.


	12. Leave or stay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Marcus, what was going on here?", Mouse wanted to know and looked at him questioningly. "Why isn't Tomas in his room?"  
> "He's not a prisoner, Mouse."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not uploading this chapter earlier! I got lost in another fandom...shame on me /.\  
> But even if it takes a little longer, I'm going to finish this story! :)

"Marcus, what was going on here?", Mouse wanted to know and looked at him questioningly. "Why isn't Tomas in his room?"

"He's not a prisoner, Mouse", he said simply, looking down at Tomas, who was laying in his arms.

He had just caught him as he tipped to one side. Marcus picked him up and carried him back to the bedroom. Carefully, he laid him on the bed and looked down at him. Was it his fault, that Tomas had fainted again? Maybe he had really hit him too hard and he had a concussion? Then he really hurt him. He didn't want that!

"It's not your fault", said Mouse. "The demons have influenced him, they certainly invaded his mind. He's just weakened, it's normal and will be over soon...He's been through it before."

"When you were traveling together?"

"Yes."

Marcus gritted his teeth and just nodded. He had already witnessed how weak Tomas got after he let demons into his mind. But this...Mouse calling his powerlessness normal made him angry. How could she stay so relaxed? After all, it was about Tomas health and probably even his soul. If he lost this fight at some point, it could have terrible consequences!

"Now tell me what happened", Mouse finally said imperiously.

"What?"

Marcus just didn't feel like talking to her. He knew he was going to let his anger out on her, but she wasn't even to blame...not only. Yes, he was angry because she didn't take Tomas' condition seriously and because she hadn't told him, that he had had such attacks of weakness before. But the real person he was mad at, was himself. If he hadn't left...If he had finally had the will to stand for his feelings and accept, that someone else could love him, then none of this would have happened. Tomas would have no memory loss and no attacks of weakness because Marcus would never have driven him that far. Maybe they even had the opportunity to take a few weeks off. After all, they were not the only exorcists in the country. They could have gone to the mountains and Marcus would show Tomas his favorite places. But he had made it impossible for them. The moment he decided to leave Tomas, he had signed his downfall and he didn't give a damn about it. Marcus had really thought Mouse would be more attentive with Tomas than he himself had been with her. He should have known she wasn't paying attention...he should have known, that she would form Tomas to the sword he should be, without batting an eyelid and without worrying about the cracks in the blade, that came from when metal got too hot, before editing.

"This", Mouse jerked him out of his thoughts and a second later, Marcus gritted his teeth in pain.

She had pressed a finger against the cut, Tomas had inflicted on his shoulder.

Marcus jerked away from her, folded his arms in front of his chest and looked at her reproachfully. But Mouse didn't care. She only raised an eyebrow and reflected his gesture. He could have started a discussion with her, he could just have left the room. Before he had met Tomas, he would have simply ignored her, maybe he would have lectured her to not speak to him like that, but nothing more. Now he didn't do any of it.

Marcus dropped his arms and sighed. He nodded toward the door and Mouse understood immediately what he wanted. She turned and left the room. Marcus closed his eyes for a moment to calm himself. He made sure Tomas was laying comfortable and pulled the cover over him. Then he too left the room. He left the door open, so he could keep an eye on Tomas from the kitchen. That was exactly where he went.

Mouse was already waiting for him. On the kitchen table stood a first-aid kit and she silently pointed to a chair. Marcus rolled his eyes, but sat down and looked at Mouse slightly annoyed. His shoulder and forehead weren't that bad! She took a cotton pad out of the kit and disinfected it. Then she stood in front of Marcus and began to clean the small laceration on his head.

"So?"

"So what?", Marcus replied, playing dumb.

"What happened? When I saw you yesterday, you didn't have a laceration on your head and neither your sweater nor your shoulder was slashed. What did Tomas do?"

"Nothing, he...", Marcus paused and sucked in the air between his teeth, as the disinfectant made contact with the open wound.

"Nothing looks very different from this."

Marcus didn't really want to explain to her what had happened. However, he knew she would get that information out of Tomas if he didn't speak now and Tomas probably wouldn't like her way of getting information. After all, Mouse had a very rough way of interrogating people. Marcus didn't want to do that to him.

"I wanted to see Tomas, went to his room and then he knocked me down", Marcus began to tell. "I hit my head and he...slashed my shoulder, probably just wanting to convince me, that he would hurt me if I did something he didn't want. I don't blame him...after all the demons have told him...I'm glad that I am still alive."

Unintentionally, he ran his hand over his throat, right over the small cut. He felt the already encrusted blood and suppressed the urge to scratch it off. Mouse followed his gesture with her eyes and finally pulled his hand away.

"He wanted to slit your throat?!"

Marcus looked at her in surprise. He didn't think she would react that angry. He quickly shook his head.

"They convinced him that I drugged him, to force him to torture people with me, Mouse! They...They told him I had..."

Marcus stopped, feeling the tears gathering in his eyes again. He didn't want to show any weakness, not to Mouse, who had always looked up to him. But she put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and as he looked up at her, she returned his look with warmth and affection. She didn't condemn him for this moment of weakness and Marcus was so immensely grateful for that. He closed his eyes anyway, as he uttered the next words.

"They told him I raped him...I don't know how to prove him wrong. You can't forgive someone who's done such a horrible thing...Even if it's not true...He believes them..."

Marcus felt a hand on his cheek and pressed his head against it. Mouse, his smart Mouse, could certainly add one and one together. After this reaction, she knew for sure what had happened to him in his childhood and again she didn't condemn him. Marcus felt tears running down his cheeks and then suddenly he was pulled to a warm body. Arms snaked around his shoulders, giving him the security he needed so much right now. Mouse held him tight until his tears stopped.

"We find a way", Mouse muttered. "The influence, the demons have taken on him, doesn't last forever. He will remember."

"And what if not?"

Now that he knew Mouse wasn't judging him, he also allowed the desperation to submerge him, which he had pushed into the background since he had received her call. It was something he didn't often concede when someone was there. Usually, he didn't allow himself to show weakness. He wasn't made to trust others with his worries. After all, he had always been alone...But with Tomas, it had changed abruptly. He didn't often trust him with his worries and desperation, but he knew he could do it when needed. And now he knew he could trust Mouse in this regard. Even after everything he had done to her.

"It's going to be all right, believe me. Tomas is strong and I'm sure he would have walked out of the door before if he didn't care about you anymore...Even if he is not aware of it right now. Maybe it'll take a while, but he'll get right back to you and remember your time together. You just have to be patient, Marcus, even if it's hard for you."

 

_Tomas awoke with a painful scream. His head felt like someone had a glowing piece of iron driven right through it. Panting, he looked down and realized that he was covered in blood. Something told him that this wasn't his own blood, and at second glance, it wasn't really much. Not more than a few splashes. Why had it just looked like his clothes were soaked in it?_

_"Tomas! Tomas look at me!", a familiar voice sounded._

_Then there were hands on his cheeks and his head was turned slightly to one side. He looked into Marcus' worried face, but he felt no fear. Instead, he was relieved to see him. His heart jumped and Tomas felt tears rise in his eyes._

_"Marcus...Marcus, I...", Tomas mumbled and wanted to raise a hand, but couldn't. "I can't... What happened?"_

_"Everything's alright. I got you, love. Andy is...he is...saved...it's okay..."_

_Tomas felt like something was wrong. Marcus looked as if he had cried and when he looked behind him, he saw the woman, who looked at them both shocked. She had been there. Was she connected to Marcus? And who was this Andy?_

_"What happened with..."_

_But he didn't get further. His field of vision began to blur and then he sank, once more, in a deep blackness._

 

Tomas knew that it hadn't been a dream or a hallucination from which he just woke up. A memory...A memory with Marcus and Mouse...Yes, that's the name of this woman. A memory in which the two had worried about him, really worried. It didn't look like they were worried because he had resisted them or because he wanted to get away. They had really been worried about his condition. He saw it in their faces. But why? Why should they worry about him, if he was only one of their victims?

Tomas squinted, his head started to hurt again. All of this was so confusing, so contradictory. Malik had told him that Marcus abused him, Marcus claimed that he would never do that and the strangest thing was, that Tomas really believed him. After seeing Marcus' reaction, he was pretty sure he would never rape anyone. The pain in his eyes had been real. He had been abused. Tomas put his hands on his face and shook his head. Whom should he believe? How should he find out the truth? If he asked Marcus and Mouse...could he really trust them? Would they tell him the truth? They were probably the only people who knew what he had done in the past two years.

"I can't believe I'm going to do that", he thought as he decided to ask them.

He would be careful and weigh every word. Besides, they didn't even need to start with the demon stories. There were no demons, and he wouldn't let these fairy tales affect him.

Slowly he sat up and looked at the door. It was open and he could see into the kitchen. There, with his back turned to him, sat Marcus. He was quietly talking to Mouse, who was standing in front of him. He wasn't wearing a sweater and it looked like Mouse was washing his chest. The spot on his back, where Tomas had cut him, was taped with a band-aid. Tomas could see that Marcus' back was covered with scars, some thick and even whiter than his already light skin, others thin, but almost as red as a fresh scratch. He almost felt sorry for hurting him. These contradictory feelings made him crazy! His mind told him to get the fuck out of there as soon as possible, but a feeling inside his chest didn't allow him to run away.

"How are you?", Mouse's loud voice suddenly sounded and made Tomas flinch.

So she had noticed that he was awake. He got up and walked towards the kitchen, but stopped in the doorway and looked again at Marcus' back. He saw his body stiffen completely when he felt his gaze.

"I don't know", Tomas replied, a bit late but truthful to Mouse's question. "I would love to run away..."

"Then do it", Marcus muttered without looking at him. "Nobody will stop you."

Mouse looked at him and raised an eyebrow as if to say: Are you serious? When Tomas saw this, his heart began to race again. Would she stop him?

"No one will stop him if he decides to leave, Mouse", Marcus' voice was firmer, more determined and Tomas thought he heard anger too, but then it softened as he spoke to him again. "You're not a prisoner, Tomas, we just wanted to help you. If...If you want to go, go."

Tomas looked at him in surprise and nodded, which Marcus couldn't see because he was still facing away from him. Then his eyes fell on the cloth, which Mouse held in her hand. It was bloody and Tomas was sure that it was Marcus' blood. She probably hadn't just washed his chest but cleaned the wounds.

"What happened?", he heard himself asking and didn't understand why he was interested in the welfare of this man.

"Nothi...", Marcus said, but was interrupted by Mouse.

"Your lovely doctors and nurses tortured him when he was trying to free you."

Marcus hung his head. The next moment he started to move. He grabbed the sweater, which was laying on the table and put it on.

"Marcus, I'm not done yet..."

But he ignored Mouse's objections and stood up. Briefly, his gaze met Tomas' and he saw the pain in Marcus' eyes, a pain that had nothing to do with his wounds. Then he almost fled from the kitchen. Tomas watched him go, as Mouse pushed past him and followed Marcus. Tomas also wanted to go after them, but while he took a step forward, a feeling of weakness overcame him and he had to hold on to the door frame. Slowly he lowered himself until he was sitting on the ground and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Let me at least..."

"No, Mouse!", Marcus snapped, followed by a loud bang.

He had slammed a door and thus shut himself off from her and Tomas. Mouse came back to the kitchen and sat down at the table. Uncertainly Tomas looked at her. He didn't know what he should think of all this. It was just too much. All these contradictory reactions. Why had Marcus fled the situation? What should he do now? He could go, that was his words. But maybe it was a trap? Maybe they just wanted to lull him to safety and then kill him outside, so it would look more like an accident.

"What's the matter with him?", Tomas finally asked, because he really wanted to know it.

Mouse frowned and looked at him incredulously.

"What's the matter? Are you serious?", she growled. "What's the matter? Tomas, I know you're having a difficult time, but you're not the only one. They had him and they tortured him for two days, but not just with the cuts on his chest."

Confused, he looked at her. What did she mean by that?

"He just told me when I cleaned his wounds. He heard you scream, Tomas, he thought they were torturing you as well. Which was worse for him, than any cut, worse than anything they could have done to him. He thought he would lose you...It may seem weird to you, with everything those demons told you, but he loves you, Tomas! I've never seen him like that before. He doesn't want to affect you. So he didn't want to tell you anything about it, but I think you should know the truth, maybe you'll remember...He truly loves you."

Tomas looked at her for a moment, then lowered his eyes and stared at his feet. He had never screamed back at the sanatorium and the only thing that was torturing him was the memories. That was all so confusing.


End file.
